Thank You, Andy Borowitz.

October 22, 2014

Its an idea so crazy that it just might work!

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report) — A controversial new bill in the Texas House of Representatives would require those running for governor to show proof of the minimum I.Q. necessary to perform the duties of the office.

ending —-

“I know that the folks behind this so-called bill are well meaning,” Dorrinson said. “But if this had been enacted fifteen years ago, it would have choked off our supply of governors.”

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

You’ll Be Fine. Just Don’t Breathe.

October 22, 2014

Me and Ole Bubba like to get away to the mountains every now and then.  We were out in the Ozarks recently sitting on a mountain top looking out over the whole damn earth.  I commented that you could see forever and a block.  Ole Bubba said, “I dunno.  I’m from Texas.  I don’t trust air that you can’t see.”

Which appears to be the way it’s gonna stay in Texas.

Let me start by showing you a smog map of Houston from yesterday afternoon.  Green is good.  Orange is bad.  Click the little one to get the big one.

 

 

 

I live in Richmond, which is on the lower left hand edge.

And here’s the week’s air forecast.  Same deal – green is good, orange is bad.

Screen Shot 2014-10-22 at 8.28.15 AM

 

Okay, so here’s where the story gets crazy.

The state agency responsible for protecting Texans against harmful chemicals said on Tuesday that it opposed federal efforts to lower smog levels because most people had air conditioners and spent “90 percent of their time indoors.”

We’re like moles here in Texas.  You know, living in post-apocalypse world where you can’t go outdoors because the damn air will kill you.  But the boys over at Slick Clyde’s Coal Burning Solar Panel Disposal are making a tanker load of money so what’s a few more hours indoors for your kids?

Now let me see if I have this straight.  The problem is emissions.  The State of Texas wants me to stay inside and run an air conditioner full blast to clean the air that got dirty because people ran their air conditioners full blast in the first place.

Honeycutt wrote, adding that people who were “near death” and more susceptible to ozone spent even more time indoors.

Who told you that crap?  When my times comes I’m spending it on the banks of the Brazos River that has carried the tears and joys of Texans out to sea since the beginning of time.  Oh hell, maybe not because Slick Clyde has polluted the damn river, too.

It is 69 degrees and sunny this fine morning and I am sitting outside on the deck with my laptop just finishing my second cup of coffee.  I have to go indoors now because I’m starting to see the air.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

I’m Shocked, Shocked I Tell You!

October 21, 2014

Sarah Palin’s PAC is a scam.

I know, unbelievable, right?

For the two-year 2014 cycle, the former Alaska governor’s PAC, a vehicle that helps her stay in the game amid talk that she may run in the 2016 presidential contest, has raised $2.5 million on top of more than $1.1 million that was in the bank at the start of the cycle. It has spent $2.7 million, with about $150,000 — or 5.5 percent — going to candidates.

That’s legal but it ain’t right.

TV Palin CouricWhat does her money go for? Mostly consultants who do research and write speeches, and in my opinion they should be charged with theft.

She also uses it for travel.

A lump sum of $13,000 was listed as being spent for “lodging, SUV rental, books for donors.”

And stuff.

And the PAC sent $10,885 to HarperCollins — publisher of all three of Palin’s books — for “books for donor fulfillment.”

Who would have ever suspected that Sarah was using something for herself instead of helping others?

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

 

We’re Not Jacking Around Here, Y’all. Dan Patrick is Freekin’ Nuts.

October 21, 2014

I know people from foreign states think we’re overreacting to the possibility of a Dan Patrick win.

We are not.

DanPatrickSenateHe believes crazy stuff.  You know, like that God speaks to us through the teevee show Duck Dynasty.

And that God dictated a book to him.  God named it The Second Most Important Book You Will Ever Read.

“As the author, I am obviously biased,” Patrick wrote in an Amazon review of his own book. But “since God inspired me to write this book,” he added, “He automatically gets 5 stars and the CREDIT!'”

I seriously doubt that God got the royalties.

And he had a deep hatred of anything not white or male.

On Connie Chung’s TV show, Eye to Eye: Patrick quipped in 1992 that the Asian American journalist’s show should be called “Slanted Eye to Eye.” Although Patrick’s remarks sparked a local media firestorm, he did not change his ways. In 1999, a Houston Press profile noted that “Patrick lapsed into a faux-Chinese accent when he thought he heard a network correspondent call Clinton, in the midst of the Chinese-espionage scandal, ‘President Crinton,'” and later joked that Clinton should get surgery to “make his eyes slanted.”

And he’s nicer to Asian than he is Hispanics.  He pretty much thinks they are all terrorists intent on spreading leprosy and polio.

And, y’all, he painted the Statue of Liberty with Jesus’ face.  No, I am absolutely not kidding.  He’s got Jesus in drag.

 

20110829_Michels_JesusofLiberty_059-218x300

 

Call every Texan you know and tell them to go vote for Leticia Van De Putte.  It’s important.

Thanks to Kevin for the reminder of how nuts Dan Patrick really is.

 

If You’re Going To Be A Crook, Be A Helluva Crook!

October 21, 2014

Alabama House Speaker Republican Mike Hubbard is a doozy. He got himself indicted on 23 counts. You can’t do that by accident. That kind of stuff has to be planned.

The highlights of some of his shenanigans.

Screen Shot 2014-10-21 at 8.51.58 AMFour counts of using of his office as Chairman of the Alabama Republican Party for personal gain;

One count of voting for legislation with a conflict of interest;

Eleven counts of soliciting or receiving a thing of value from a lobbyist or principal;

Two counts of using his office as a member of the Alabama House of Representatives for personal gain;

Four Counts of lobbying an executive department or agency for a fee;

One count of using state equipment, materials, etc. for private gain

Hey, but he was never indicted for coming to work smelling like he slept in a goat pen. No, wait, he as cavorting with lobbyists.  Same thing.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Calling All Gals!

October 20, 2014

Rule #1.  If you have a panel about women, invite some women.

Red State Women tweeted a congratulations to themselves for having a man challenge   “Democrats false war on women” in front of men.

 

Screen Shot 2014-10-20 at 2.08.24 PM

 

 

That’s either a room full of men or a whole bunch of really unfortunate-looking Republican women.

I suspect the wimmen-folks were busy cooking for their men.

Thanks to Cindy for the heads up.