Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’

Y’all, I Think We Need To Be Worried

July 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Okay, I mentioned Sarah Palin’s odd new speech patterns before and one of you mentioned that it was “a slam poetry thing.”  Well, she must be running for poet laureate or some damn thing, because she’s doing it again.

Some sources think she was drunk or on pills, but I’m going with the slam poetry thing.

This sucker is 30 minutes long.  Fast forward to about the 4 minute mark and listen for a few minutes.  If you listen for the whole time, your brain will fall out.  No, really.

 

See, it’s a thing.  It really is.  And it’s scary.

Y’all, she’s creeping me out.

Rick Perry Stretches the Truth? Nooooooo….

July 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

So, to justify calling up the Texas National Guard, Rick Perry is telling everybody that “criminal aliens” have been charged with 642,000 crimes in Texas.

That sounds just awful, doesn’t it?  But, Rick Perry left out some stuff.

1.  Crimes is rather a broad thing.  That number includes minor class B misdemeanors — minor graffiti and first-offense drunken driving.

Rick_Perry-The_Shadow_Knows2.  These crimes were not all committed by people who crossed the border illegally.  To make things seem dire, Perry throws in the 40% of those here illegally because they have overstayed their visas.

3.  That number covers a 10 year period.

4.  According to the Texas Department of Pubic Safety …

More than 8 percent of the total arrests per month are foreign nationals, regardless of immigration status,” it said of the period between January 2012 and July 2014.

That actually compares favorably with the general population. In 2012, noncitizens made up 11 percent of Texas’ population, so they were arrested at a lower rate than Texans as a whole.

In short, someone who is here legally is more likely to commit a crime than someone who is here illegally.

5.  While there are no specific crime rates only for those who cross the border, we do know that the recent influx of unaccompanied children has not caused crime to increase along the border.

State Rep. Robert Guerra is a Democrat who represents Hidalgo County — the scene of the heaviest influx of Central Americans. In preparation for an interview Thursday, he called the heads of all of the county’s police agencies, who said crime either is the same or down.

Guerra said Perry’s inaccurate claims about border violence do material harm to border cities that have lower crime rates than most Texas communities.

Oh, so what would be Rick Perry’s reason for wanting to hurt economic growth along the border?  Because they are all Democrats?

Look, I’m not saying that Rick Perry fudged on the truth maliciously to make himself look good, but … oh hell, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

He’s a sumbitch, y’all.

When You Get Into An Argument With a Conservative Man …

July 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

My friend Jim found some very interesting research done at Harvard University called The Grant Study.

Among its many cool findings:

Political mindedness correlates with intimacy: Ageing liberals have way more sex.

The most-conservative men ceased sexual relations at an average age of 68.

The most-liberal men had active sex lives into their 80s.

And that’s why old conservative men are so damn cranky and want you to get the hell off their lawn.

Thanks to Jim for the heads up.

Lookie What You Did

July 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

When you guys agreed to help with the Matthew 25 project, you gave it the boost it needed to get bigger than all of us combined.

Lookie here.

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Check out the teevee coverage that it got.

Ya did good, my friends, ya did good.

Dumb Even For San Angelo

July 26, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

San Angelo, Texas, is in central west Texas, kinda between Abilene and Del Rio.  It’s not the garden spot of Texas so you can kinda understand why your average pipe bomb might provide some entertainment.

Kevin Dykstra, who is 23 years old, was found down at the lake by a 29 year old guy.  Early, early Saturday morning, a guy hears his dogs barking and goes to investigate.  He comes upon Dykstra laying in the pool of blood with a “crushed 12-ounce Keystone Light can and a machete. An exploded bottle was found in the shop near the pond.”

All this led to this headline in the local newspaper:

 

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So there you have it.  Headlines that say to the Rotary Club – scratch this dude off your prospective membership list.

My favorite line?  “An update on Dykstra’s status was not provided with the report. There will be no further investigation into the incident.”

No further investigation because drunk and stoopid is what it is.

Thanks to TexasMiataFrank for the heads up.

Woman Be Crazy – UPDATED!

July 25, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Michele Bachmann.  Oh yeah, you need me to say more?

Bachman_Witch_2She wants to put the refugee children in labor camps.  No, no, no, I am not kidding.

Labor camps.  Damn, woman.

She even has it all worked out.

And we’d get private sector business leaders to locate to those facilities and give these children low-risk jobs to do. And they’d learn about the American way of life, earn their keep, and everyone wins in the end.”

Yeah, slave labor – the basis for “the American way of life.”  What the hell is a “low risk job” that a seven or eight year old can do?  Huh?  You want those kids assembling transistor radios or something?  Or maybe polishing Marcus’s shoes?

Conservative radio host Jason Lewis asked Bachmann about the camps, and what life might be like for the children sent to them. “Well, we’d of course want these facilities to be ideal, you know, for the children to work and learn. They’d spend half of their day working, and the other half learning what every child should learn, and that’s English, you know, English and American history. And as soon as they learn English with some degree of fluency, they can attend local schools, maybe with a voucher program, or something like that. And then they could work when they aren’t in school.”

So I guess piano lessons are out, huh?  Tell me, Michele, are these kids gonna cook their own meals and do their own laundry, too?  Will they be supervised in some manner or just let their corporate overlords whip them into shape?

Can we deport Michele Bachman.  No, no, no, I’m serious.  Can we?

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

 UPDATE:  I’ve been punked.  Again, dammit.  This is the second time I’ve been punked by a satire story because it’s just too damn hard to tell satire with Republicans.  This story ain’t true.  However, Michele Bachmann is.