Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’

Cuba: Close But No Cigars

December 18, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Okay, I have a theory that President Obama agreed to recognize Cuba just to piss off Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio.

It worked like a fifty dollar hammer on a  greased nail.

They both swooned, clutched their chests, and little spittle things came out of the sides of their mouths.  It was adorable!

Hell, we forgave Japan in less time than we forgave Cuba.

But, the one I enjoyed the most is Good Ole Tom DeLay.  We have surrendered!

“This is surrender,” DeLay said. “This is a president who is a socialist to begin with reaching out to his socialist friends and opening up relationships with one of the most oppressive regimes in the world. The only worse one I can think of right now is North Korea.”

Really?  North Korea?  That’s the best you can do?

Now, I wouldn’t find this such a big deal if not for this.

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2005, Time Magazine

Arguing against loosening sanctions against Cuba last year, DeLay warned that Fidel Castro “will take the money. Every dime that finds its way into Cuba first finds its way into Fidel Castro’s blood-thirsty hands…. American consumers will get their fine cigars and their cheap sugar, but at the cost of our national honor.”

Tom DeLay / Honor.  That right there is the only time you will ever see those words together.

 

Holy Crap: War on Christmas

December 18, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

So, let’s start this Christmas tour in the Bible Belt, where the The Born Again Independent Baptist Church in Harlem, Georgia, got oh so clever with their church sign.

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… or vice versa.  Verdelia, who loves word scramble games, says you can also almost make NASTY our of that.  Almost.

Edward Carothers, pastor at Born Again Baptist, told The Christian Post that the decision to post the message on the church sign came by decision of the congregation.

Carothers cited a 1996 work by James L. Melton titled “Santa Claus and Satan’s Cause”, which argued that, by having several similar characteristics to Jesus Christ, Santa was being crafted by secular culture as a false god to worship.

Plus, the jolly fat man breaks into my house and eats my damn cookies.

In his comments to CP, Pastor Carothers said that the overall feedback his church had gotten over the message was “40 percent positive.”

I don’t think he understands math.

And since we’re on the subject of not understanding …

The Reverend Pat Robertson says we should quit worrying about The Gays because they will soon be extinct.  Wanna know why?  They don’t reproduce.

You know, those who are homosexual will die out because they don’t reproduce,” the TV preacher opined. “You know, you have to have heterosexual sex to reproduce.”

I wonder how he thinks the current crop of homosexuals got here?  Magic?  Santa Satan left them as gifts under the tree?

Thanks to Rick and Deb for the heads up.

Five of the Top Twenty

December 17, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

GQ named the 20 craziest politicians and only 5 of them are from Texas.

I suspect they have not visited the Texas Legislature.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

 

Argh! No. No. No. I Do Not Want To Think About This

December 16, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Okay, my entire christmas season is ruined.  Ruined, I tell you.

One tweet and now I can’t stop thinking about something so disgusting … so nasty … so gross… oh dear God!  Blake Farenthold has s-e-x.  With people.  Or at least he thinks about it.

 

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Ruined.  My thoughts are ruined.  How would suspect that a man like this would have sexual fantasies?

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Now couple that with his new website, and there you have Mr. Tea Party.

Thanks to Lorraine in Spring for the heads up.

My Goodness, They Are Growing Some in South Texas

December 16, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Eric Hillman, who used to work for the Nueces County (think Corpus Christi) District Attorney’s Office, is suing his former bosses.

As a prosecutor for the office, he was assigned a DWI case against a local man.  As he began interviewing witnesses prior to trial, he found that the police had left out at least one witness: the one who said the driver was not drunk.

In Texas, a prosecutor is supposed to seek justice, not get convictions.  So, prosecutors are required to disclose to the defense any exculpatory information.

Hillman’s bosses wanted none of that there crap going in in Texas.

He told his supervisor about it and claims his supervisor told him he did not need to inform the other side, which is required in the discovery process of a case in court.

Hillman did not want to wrongly pursue the case, so he called the State Bar of Texas for their opinion.

“They affirmed that he in fact needed to turn over that witness to the defense, so he went back to the supervisors and told them he was going to disclose the witness and he was fired the morning of the trial,” Pratt said.

The newspaper contacted the district attorney’s office to get a comment but, “They would not speak about the case, citing pending litigation.”  Damn, ain’t that just slick as polished ice?  The District Attorney’s office has lawyered-up!

Sic ‘um, Hillman.

On Behalf Of The State Of Texas, I Would Like To Apologize

December 16, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, Texas has another presidential contender.

Jeb Bush.

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced Tuesday that he will “actively explore” the possibility of a presidential run in 2016.

I know Jeb says he’s from Florida but he was born and educated right here in Texas and didn’t move to Florida until after his dad was elected Vice President.

So, if you’e keeping score at home, Texas has 4 presidential contenders in 2016.   Ted Cruz, Rick Perry, Jeb Bush, and Rand Paul (who moved to Texas when he was five and was educated here). I wish to apologize for Texas hogging all the dumb.

You know, they say that Jeb Bush is the smart one.  But lets face it, the Bush family’s bar on that attribute is lower than a snake’s belly on digging day.

 

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