Archive for the ‘Steeple People’

Hummm…..

April 01, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Category: Steeple People

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Posted on the door of the beauty salon this morning —

“Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You’re thinking of Jesus.” — John Fugelsang

Nice.

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Oh, Thank You, Sweet Jeeeesuh

March 22, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Category: Steeple People, Sumbitches, Uncategorized

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Brian just gave me the best news of the day.

You know the crazy maniac who shouted “Baby Killer!” at Bart Stupak?

Abilene’s own Randy Neugebauer, of The Yachting Neugebauers Fame.

Dandy Randy used campaign funds to buy himself a yacht, which is kinda odd being as how Abilene  is in the middle of the desert.  I doubt he was planning on Noah’s flood because he docked that yacht, and a swanky one it is, in Washington Dee Cee.

Abilene, Texas, houses Dyes Air Force Base, where I have seen Airmen living in substandard housing, while Randy let lobbyists buy him a stinkin’ yacht.

I ain’t telling Juanita today.  I’m going to tell her tomorrow after we’ve already packed her pick-up for a road trip.  We’re going to include  little “Cap’n Randy is a Jerk!” sailor caps for her to give away.

Cap’n Randy, of the USS Little Winkie, says he shouted Baby Killer in the heat of the moment.  Honey, there’s no telling what Juanita will shout when she gets heated.

Get A Rope

February 23, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Category: Steeple People

His name is Bob Marshall.  He’s from Richmond, Virginia.  He’s making Sweet Jesus cry.

State Delegate Bob Marshall of Manassas says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

He made that statement Thursday at a press conference to oppose state funding for Planned Parenthood.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.

“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

In related news, the problem may have been taken care of …..

Police report rabid raccoon in suburban Richmond

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) — Henrico County Police say they’ve confirmed a case of rabies in a raccoon that was killed by a pet dog.

Police say tests by the state confirmed the disease Tuesday. The animal was found dead in the front yard of a suburban Richmond home after responding to a call of a dog killing a raccoon Saturday.

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I Love Yew, Virginia

February 12, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Category: Steeple People

It seems that the State Legislature of Virginia is looking after their citizens.  A whole lot.

They are voting to protect Virginians from the Mark of the Beast.  “There is to be no 666-ing in Virginia,” Juanita warns all who were pondering doing it.

The House of Delegates is scheduled to vote Wednesday on a bill that would protect Virginians from attempts by employers or insurance companies to implant microchips in their bodies against their will.

It might also save humanity from the antichrist, some supporters think.

“And, as everybody knows,” Juanita informs you, “the devil is mortified of the Virginia state legislature.  Can’t say I blame the devil, being as how I’m like a rabbit in a coyote’s back pocket when it comes to people like this guy,” Juanita says as she points to words she cannot bring herself to read aloud.

David Neff, editor of the magazine Christianity Today, said that some fundamentalist Christians believe that bar codes and implanted microchips could be used by a totalitarian government to control commerce — a sign of the coming end of the world.

“This is part of a larger attempt to constantly read current history in the light of the symbolic language of the Book of Revelation,” he said.

“Now, somebody fix me if I’m wrong about this,” Juanita offers, “but aren’t the Super DeLux Brand Christians rooting for the end times?  Aren’t they looking forward to watching God toss our liberal butts into the fires of hell?”

“You’d think they’d be first in line to get a ringside seat for that!”

And what are those wacky Democrats in Virgina doing while the Republicans are trying to trick the devil?

“We’ve got a $4 billion hole, and we’re spending time on microchips,” said Del. Albert C. Pollard Jr. (D-Northumberland). “At least when Nero fiddled, they got good music.”

“I can dance to that tune,” Juanita grins.

Jesus Loves The Little Children

February 12, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Category: Steeple People

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white ….
Whoa, not so much.

Local Girl Makes Fool of Self

February 09, 2010 By: Juanita Jean Category: Steeple People

As most of you know, Juanita has been following the semi-tragic and nearly horrible victimization of Hannah Giles, the chick who played a hooker in the ACORN sting.  Hannah is the granddaughter of Fort Bend County’s own head busybody, State Republican Executive Committee Member and self-righteous harpy, Terese Raia.

“This has been better than fifty yard line seats at the Cotton Bowl,” Juanita grins.  “After prancing Miss Giles all over the county and Jesusfying her to everyone in shouting distance, it now appears that Miss Giles ain’t exactly what she pretended to be – the courageous little college student who went after the bad guys.”

“She’s opened a Victim Shop and gone into the lucrative business of being a perpetual injured party,” Juanita hoots.

Giles’s fundraising appeal, printed on pink paper and decorated with stars in what is supposed to look like purple marker, portrays her looming legal fights as nothing less than an epic battle between good and evil. Warning that her “ordeal is far from over” — “I fear it’s just the beginning,” she writes (emphasis hers) — Giles says that ACORN has no choice but to “make an example” of her.

“Victim, my patootie!  I guess Hannah never got taught that if you throw the first punch, somebody might respond with the second 7 punches.  And now Hannah is using false pretenses to separate people from their money.  She’s a televangelist, except with less morals,” Juanita says while pouring a cup of coffee.  “Don’t that just jar your preserves?”

By the way, Juanita discovered that Hanna’s daddy has a radio show.  It’s based on Jesus with an AK47.  It’ll make you throw up a little in your mouth.