Fun With Guns: Don’t Lie to Momma Edition

December 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Dalles, Oregon, is a good place not to lie to your Momma.

Last Saturday a woman called the police and said some fool had entered her home at 2:45 in the morning and fired a gun into her son’s room.  The gunman ran out the backdoor.  He didn’t take anything or cause any problems.

gunshotThe Dalles police officer arrived and noted in the police log that “it was clear the [son] was not being honest.”

The son then admitted he was actually cleaning a gun and it went off. He told police he then stashed the gun and lied to his mother about a person entering the house. Officers seized the gun and were forwarding their report to the district attorney’s office for review.

If you’re going to shoot a gun in the house at 2:45 a.m., you damn well better make sure it includes you bleeding in some manner because, trust me on this, when Momma gets finished with you, you’re gonna be bleeding anyway.

By the way, while I was looking around to see if I could find out anything else about this story, I found a great thing.  The police reports in a small Oregon town on Christmas Day.  The Dalles City reports are wonderful reading.  Here’s a sample.  Remember:  it’s Christmas Day.

A woman in the 900 block of Pomona Street reported seeing two people walk through her carport and ring the doorbell, then go on to the neighbors behind her. They both appeared to have Santa suits on. Police checked the area and were unable to find anyone matching the description.

A man in the 5200 block of Cherry Heights called early Wednesday morning to report a strange dog had been sitting near his driveway for the last 12 hours and it was weird the dog hadn’t left the area. A deputy found two dogs were eating a deer carcass.

I will save the woman who ran out of gas story for you to discover.

Thanks to TexasTrailerParkTrash for the heads up.

Share Juanita-isms With Your Friends:
  • email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Digg
  • MySpace
  • StumbleUpon
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Posterous
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Print

20 Comments to “Fun With Guns: Don’t Lie to Momma Edition”

  1. Would that all police reports were as innocuous. But then my police detective son-in-law would probably be out of a job.

  2. Marcia in CO says:

    KOAA Ch. 5 here in CO reported on Facebook that an elderly woman, 86, called 911 here in Canon City, CO, on Christmas Day, stating she thought someone had tried to break into her home. A police officer went to check it out and, in his report, said it appeared the woman was lonely and just wanted some company, so the officer sat and visited with her for a time.

    All of the comments … way over a hundred … were heartwarming in that local people said if they knew who the woman was, they’d go sit and visit with her, have lunch with her, just to give her some company.

  3. Left Coast Crone says:

    The name of the city in Oregon is The Dalles not Dalles. It was named by the French fur traders after the way the Columbia River flowed over the basaltic rock per “Oregon Geographic Names.”

  4. Dear JJ

    If you a name or some other detail you can check the Dallas, OR police reports here:


  5. Mike in MO says:

    I agree that the woman who ran out of gas was worth the read, but I also liked:

    “A trooper stopped a vehicle on Interstate 84 near milepost 118 eastbound Tuesday morning because the driver was not wearing a seat belt. The driver was found to have a suspended license and no insurance, and while the trooper was filling out paperwork to have the car impounded, he discovered the plate did not match the vehicle, and the plate had been stolen off a car in Hood River. The plate was recovered and the driver was cited and released for third degree theft.”

    Okay, first off,you have no license, no insurance, a hot plate, and you attract attention by not wearing your seat belt? Secondly, you are only cited for third degree theft and RELEASED??

    All that is missing from this is a gunshot wound from a gun his 3 year old left in the front seat, and the police returning the gun to his child.

  6. Since when isnot being honest to your to your mother a crime?

  7. @Gary—Were you raised by wolves?

  8. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    The Gas Lady appears to be the next Tea Bag candidate from Oregon. She has all the gohmert credentials required to be a Tea Bagger.

    Fun with Guns Boy is being groomed for Tea Bag politics. He is already proficient with gohmert lying. Atta Boy! Tell Mom a whopper that brings the police to your door. That is true gohmert logic, son. His stance on gun rights versus gun safety should promise him a gohmert future with both the NRA and Tea bags.

  9. Marge Wood says:

    I’m feeling left out. I tried to find the lady who ran out of gas and spent fifteen minutes browsing various things. Help!

  10. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Marge Wood, that paragraph is between a third and half way down the page on this link.

  11. Susan (the Neon Nurse) Crites says:

    Here’s a few from our current ones in Lamar, CO

    1:52 a.m. Deputy Stone reported tumbleweeds in the roadway in the 7000 blk of CR DD. Piles of tumbleweeds were blocking the roadway after the high winds.

    2:53 p.m. Deputy Rodriguez was dispatched to the 200 blk of E. Colorado St. on a report of a man down in a parking lot. EMS determined the man was intoxicated and just resting.

    4:44 p.m. Officer responded to the 2400 block of S. Main St for a Christmas decoration that had fallen off a light pole in high winds. The decoration was retrieved by Lamar Light and Power employees.

    8:30 a.m. Officers responded to the 1300 block S. 12th St. on a report of suspicious shoe prints. Officers checked the area and did not find any criminal activity.

  12. PKM and Susan Neon Nurse, after reading all these things, I feel like I’ve been trampled by crazy, starving teenagers. I’m so thankful for the quiet.

  13. I bet Janet Evanovich gets a lot of her inspiration from reports like these.

  14. I have a friend in Concord MA and loved to read their local police reports, but they seem to have replaced the writer and the write-ups are less interesting now.

    One of my favorites was a woman who called from a hotel, upset about children making noise in the hall. She called back later, concerned about the children because they were no longer making noise. She also wanted the phone number of the CIA, because the FBI had been rude to her.

    And the woman who called to report a prowler yelling and banging on her door. Turned out to be her locked-out husband.

    And numerous reports of suspicious-looking people who turn out to be the neighbor’s Latino gardeners.

    And the man who asked that the prison guards wave back when he waved at them, while walking by, to let them know he wasn’t an escaped prisoner.

    A few years ago our own local paper’s police report had an indecent exposure report just about every week. They were walking, they were driving, when it was cold they were inside apartments waving at people going by…. I was sure it was some sort of club and the initiation for joining was to get your indecent exposure report in the News Review. Seems to have slacked off lately, if you’ll pardon the expression.

  15. Marcia In Co,
    I’ve heard it said that people in Northern Michigan will put out a “for sale” sign just for company even if the item is not for sale. Don’t know if it’s true but I did run across a bunch of gabby people…..,(psssst…,keep away from Tawas, Lincoln, and Onaway area, they don’t have a brain/mouth filter..,they say the stupidest crap.)

  16. Ocqueoc Falls was fun. We called it Yukyuk Falls…, kinda rhymes if you use the yuk instead of the ock as in ockyuk.
    Reminds me of Palin…..Ock, Yuk!

  17. Grace Newton says:

    I’m wondering if it’s only in the south where we get these guns and lying to mama tales or if it happens in other parts of the country. It really does sound like a misbegotten version of The Perfect County and Western Song.

  18. Marcia in CO says:

    @Grace Newston … the original piece is about the police report in The Dalles, Oregon … that’s not very southern and The Dalles is way up in N. Oregon right close to the Washington border.
    Guns and lying to one’s Momma knows no bounds here in the good ole U.S. of A.

  19. Guns, momma and cops. Oh, My!! Sounds like its right out of the Gizzard of Gauze as my kids used to call that film. Its near the end of the year here in my house and in looking over the past year in my immediate area, I can pick one thing I am very thankful for: we have the first woman in 271 years to head up the sheriff’s department. I’m damn sure we are going to see changes and for the better! I would bet cash money that any reports out of her department will make a whale of a lot better reading than what comes out of some other parts of the country.

  20. Moronz and gunzloonz are like other wildlife, say, skwerlz; they disdain geographic boundaries and human laws and logic.


Leave a Reply