To the Bunkers!

October 25, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

There are several things that scare the crap outta me before I’ve even had my first cup of coffee in the morning, and of those things, this is #1.  This headline.  This one right here.  In the morning newspaper.  This.


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On the truthiness side, it most certainly would have to be God calling him because nobody else sure the hell is.

Screen Shot 2013-10-25 at 8.22.11 AMWhile most of you were ignoring him, I have been keeping an eye on Tom ever since he got indicted, mainly because he lives down the road from me and until they prove that sleezy is not contagious, I am keeping my distance.  Once he left congress, Tom tried one scheme after another to make money.  Most of them would make a monthly posting on his website before the scheme flopped and crashed, until he finally got down to just begging money off a damn street corner.  Click the little one to see the big one.

The guy has quit everything he ever tried – the exterminating business, congress, Dancing With the Stars, the book writing circuit … he’s a whiner and wimp and that’s the damn truth.

In case you were wondering, Tom DeLay hasn’t found Jesus.  It’s just his sideshow.  He says Jesus tells him to do things and then he doesn’t have to accept responsibility when he falls on his face.  Also, it sounds a whole lot better than, “My Momma said I have to ….”

So now he’s leading a revolution.  Thank you, Poncho Villa.

delaycigarFormer Texas congressman Tom DeLay called on members of the Texas Patriot Tea Party on Tuesday night to join him in a revolution for the Constitution, to “shut down” every part of federal government that is not specifically based on the Constitution.

“It’s time for a constitutional renewal, a constitutional revival,” DeLay said in Burleson, adding that this revival is inherently linked to a “spiritual awakening” he sees happening across the country. He said conservatives have allowed “the left to intimidate us, cut off our heads, put us in prison.”

Holy crap, Dude, that was you.  You led the conservatives.  You’re late to the Tea Party game.  You invented the politics of personal destruction and now you’re leading a revolution against it?  Don’t you get dizzy sometime?

And here’s the part that makes me giggle like a little girl.

“It’s time for a revolution,” DeLay said. “I am not advocating for revolution in the streets. But if that’s what it takes … ”

Oh Tom, oh Honey, you’re 5′ 4″, chubby, 67 years old, balding, and have had a face lift or two.  Just think how fabulous you’re gonna look taking it to the streets.

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The Burleson City Council

Plus, Tom was in Burleson, Texas, making this speech.  I go to Burleson every now and then because I like being the youngest person in town.  Burleson is 95.62 white and the median income for a family is $50,432.   Yeah, for sure, those people need to be supporting the Tea Party.

Tom has a plan to gain control of the government by having the Tea Party win the House because “the House controls the purse strings.”  He also warned them to protect Ted Cruz.

“You will lose Ted Cruz. They will destroy him if you don’t support him,” DeLay warned.

No, no, no, Darlin’, we’re sitting on our hands because Ted Cruz is doing a perfectly competent job of destroying himself.

So the bottom line is that Tom DeLay has a new gig – he wants to make money by selling God and the Constitution.  Break a leg, Tom.

Oh, and Tom compares his years of being indicted and convicted to being like Moses in the wilderness.  He better watch that Messiah Complex because I think Ted Cruz has the third coast distribution rights on it.

Tom, while you were away, our cow died.  So we won’t be needing your bull anymore.

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37 Comments to “To the Bunkers!”

  1. Tom got some ink on Huff and Puff. But, everybody gets ink on Huff and Puff. If you are a pol, and open your mouth, somebody will write some commentary, and Huff and Puff prints it.

    Apparently Tom, Sarah, Louie, Steve, Michelle, and some others in the delusion party….. think that makes them relevant to the public discourse in this country. And, for some unknown reason…. God talks to all of them. It’s absolutely amazing.

    I suspect he cherry picks The United States Constitution, the same as he cherry picks The Good Book. Some parts of it he favors, like Speech, (unlimited money flow) Guns, (for everybody) Religion, (if it’s his) and some parts of it, like Equality, (for everybody) Justice, (for everybody) and that voting thing for women,….. he probably could care less. I just really do wish they would stop putting all this blame on God.

  2. Fred Farklestone says:

    Speaking of big mouth’s who is taller, Tom DeLay or Alex Jones?

  3. Sheila reynolds says:

    I think Jesus will find him wanting.

  4. For God’s sake, JJ!!!! It is too early in the day for wine and reading this make me want to drink – heavily!!

  5. I believe ol’ Tom is wrong about who’s calling him. I suspect any calls he’s receiving are coming from a much hotter region than heaven.

  6. So medicare and social security are not in the constitution – how’s that going to play out for these old teabaggers when they take to the streets (again) in their scooters with signs that say “keep government out of my medicare”. They’re already the biggest laughingstock of the U.S, I guess their opponents will just keel over laughing themselves to death. Too bad their tiny teabagger brains won’t explode from the cognitive dissonance.

  7. Lorraine in Spring says:

    Oh Crap. He’s climbing down off his cross & coming back to annoy me again.

    Why I despise Tom Delay so much:

    “So compelling was the case for change the Alaska Republican marshaled that in early 2000, the U.S. Senate unanimously passed the Murkowski worker reform bill.

    But one man primarily stopped the U.S. House from even considering that worker-reform bill: then-House Republican Whip Tom DeLay.”

    I hope he trips over his giant ego & breaks his brain.


    What a putz.

  8. Aggieland liz says:

    Ya know, he’s not looking so great. He can run his mouth all he likes, but he can’t escape the Grim Reaper. (Cheney either, I thank God, but at times I wondered if he WAS the reaper!) Death is too good for them both, but it would be a permanent solution to oír current problema with then here, at least!

  9. Marge Wood says:

    ANY time ANYBODY tells me God told him/her to do something, it scares me.

  10. Hubby and I were drinking our morning coffee and were talking about how scared we were of this group of republicans.
    Bush and his group were BAD, but this group is worse. The religiosity mixed with the lying, the hypocrisy the extreme nastiness and disregard for their fellow man makes my skin crawl.
    Bush used to make my skin crawl, but rafael cruz?
    He is wicked. And claims(or at least his father does) that he is here to save us.
    We cannot let them get total control of the government!

  11. Marge Wood says:

    Diane, do you think that maybe the current craziness is kind of a followup to the Bush family? Maybe. Yes, bad bad bad. If y’all get bored, you might find this non-fiction book by Sarah Vowell. The title is UNFAMILIAR FISHES. Note the sequence of actions. She’s a great author and also funny.

  12. Richard McDonald says:

    We all knows where he belongs maybe he’ll get there yet.


  13. e platypus onion says:

    So how far behind E. F. Hutton does god rank? When E.F. Hutton talks,everybody listens.

  14. Ralph Wiggam says:

    Poor Tom, everybody who ever liked him now feels sorry for him. And there aren’t many of those. His place in Republican history will be written near the back of the elephant.

  15. This looks more like a rebellion than a revolution.

    And no one got their head cut off for opposing Dems. Ted Nugent isn’t even in jail.

  16. “God calling him” and “revolution for the Constitution” is the drumbeat of todays’ Teabaggers, as syncopated to them by their masters. And they are gulping it down by the bucketful.

    Ted “dual ‘zen” Cruz’s daddy, the preacherman, was aholdin’ a Revivalution Meetin’ in my little burg a few days ago (WTF?), and he had 250 braindead ‘baggers hootin’ an’ hollerin’ pretty dang good.
    And I think our new McCoys lumber and hardware store probably ran out of rope the next day (it’s been impossible to buy ammo at the Waleeworld forever now too, also).

    Don’t y’all underestimate the fervor of these teabaggers, or the caliber of their handlers, the amount of money that will be expended on holding their political positions, and effort expended trying to defeat (by any means possible) Democrats in the upcoming elections.

  17. Er, excuse me, JJ, but Pancho Villa was prominent figure in the Mexican Revolution. Poncho Villa is a residence with such bad roof leaks that you’re well-advised to wear rain gear while inside.

  18. It’s interesting that God seems more interested in the Repug’s version of the Constitution than He is in feeding the hungry and caring for the sick. I guess the gold’s been kicked out of that rule.

  19. Another old political has-been trying to learn how to use the latest political “hula hoop” before it goes out of style.

  20. Marge Wood says:

    It annoys me and lots of other Christians that all you have to do in Texas to get a bad bill passed is to tack on a couple Bible verses and have it spouted by a preacher somewhere with a camera pointed at him and then pass the collection plate. Gives faith a bad name.

  21. bud malone says:

    Help me to understand. “Believers” are waiting for the return of Jesus. I don’t have a disagreement with that. I do wonder why he would want to return to an earth inhabited with people like TD?

  22. Virginia Mary says:

    Ya know, I still remember when George W. Bush said God spoke to him: “I’ve heard the call. I believe God wants me to run for President.”

    How’d that work out?

    When you talk to God, you’re religious. When God talks to you, trust me, you’re nuts.

  23. Marcia in CO says:

    If Tom DeLay is only 5’4″ tall … then he’s strutting around with the Short Man’s complex aka the Napoleonic Complex or some such thing! Cock-of-the-walk little highstepping strutter who only imagines he is king of the hill!!

    Those little guys can be such a pain in the ass!!

  24. Robin Frazier says:

    Let’s shut down the Air Force 1st. There were no dang flying machines when the Constitution was written. Men fought face to face like real warriors. Blood and guts they God intended… That last statement was satire BTW.

  25. Elizabeth says:

    Just a tiny bit of contrary evidence, Virginia Mary (having been the target of the divine clue-bat a couple of times.) If what God is telling you is to adopt that baby, feed that hungry person, etc….it may well be God talking to you. If what God is telling you is that you’re destined for great power and wealth and you should go after that…then you’re nuts.

    In my experience, God does sometimes speak to people, but it’s to tell them things they didn’t want to recognize (“You’re being an asshole. Cut it out”) or to do things that were already said but the person wasn’t listening to (“That hungry person on the corner? Buy him lunch. NOW!”)

    Messages about how great you are, and how you deserve to be powerful and rich and should be the next ruler of the universe…from a different source.

  26. Good gosh almighty, it sounds as if ‘ol Tommy was palinizing stuff before there was scarah.

  27. Elizabeth just nailed it!

  28. Sih! Poor old Tom! He’s decompensating again and this time in public! Tsk! Ten to one he is so out of it that he wouldn’t recognize the butterfly net when its dropped on him.

  29. People for the American Way sent me a calendar. Each month has a photo of a RWNJ with 3-4 selected quotes. Pat Buchanan’s include one about how Mitt Romney was going to win because “God told me so.”

    I tossed the calendar. Why in the h do they think I’d want to look at any of those people on the wall for a month? Unless they were hanged, not hung, and then they’d smell even worse.

    If Tom wants to “shut down” everything in the government that isn’t in the Constitution, I want to know if he plans to “shut down” everything that isn’t late-18th-century technology too.

  30. Maybe Tom and the teabaggers are confusing “God said so” with the line from the old Laugh-In, “The devil made me do it.” They’re confused about everything else. I’m pretty sure Elizabeth has it right. And so does Virginia Mary — ya gotta be real careful of those voices you’re hearing, Tom.

  31. Angelo_Frank says:

    The inmates want control of the asylum. Of course he is advocating violent revolution to install a theocracy controlled by the adherents of Christian Dominionism.

  32. e platypus onion says:

    Pesticide fumes cause delusions of grandeur. Delay ignored EPA warnings about avoiding contamination by ingesting massive quantities to make himself immune from reality. He is a walking,mumbling,ticking toxic time bomb with a lit fuse.

  33. With “The Hammer” back in the mix, I guess that makes a real Texas Tea-Party Trinity – Rick Perry, Ted Cruz, and Tom DeLay.
    Deliver us from evil…

  34. It’s like Bertrand Russell says, “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser men so full of doubts.”

    Also just an end note to Marcia in CO’s comment: That pain is from his teeth.

  35. We really need to get out the vote. Yes, that means YOU.

  36. Richard, yeah we damned sure know where he belongs. He’s a con man, sleazeball, scum-sucking, bottom feeder piece of excrement. Wonder who he bribed to get his conviction overturned? He belongs in Huntsville. Bet there are a number of guys up there that would like his well cushioned chubby butt. ;-}

  37. Elizabeth – Your message bears repeating. I’m saving it for future reference if you don’t mind.


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