Whiskey River, Don’t Run Dry. You’re All I’ve Got, Take Care of Me.

September 08, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

People who count these kinds of things have discovered that Texans drank 44% more hooch in August of this year than they did in the same month last year.

I have some possible explanations for this:

1.  The Republican National Convention was in August of 2012 so all the really big drinkers were delegates in Tampa, Florida.

2.  August of 2012 was when we discovered that Tom DeLay had registered as a lobbyist on sex-trafficking issues.  Everybody stayed sober to see if he was for it or against it.

3.  However, in August of 2013 when it was revealed that while in college Ted Cruz used to stroll through the women’s dorm wearing a paisley robe, everybody said, “To hell with it,” and got rip snorting drunk.


I admit it.  I got so drunk that I had to hold on to the grass to lean against the ground.

It should also be noted that the sale of alcohol increases at the same rate as the sale of guns.  I can’t prove that other than the fact that I can see with my own two eyes.

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

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16 Comments to “Whiskey River, Don’t Run Dry. You’re All I’ve Got, Take Care of Me.”

  1. Ewwww!!!! Please pass the eye/brain bleach.

    Ya think some of them folks a drankin more has a reulized what idjits they voted for? Nah, me neither.

  2. And here I thought that these guys were drinking the Kool-Aid.

  3. I’m not a drinkin’ woman and seeing Cruz in a bathrobe would make me want a drink.

  4. How dry I am!

  5. I’m not criticizing any of this. I have a FB friend who has a Little Free Library in Cleveland, Texas. I share books with him whenever I can.


    Just in case you aren’t familiar with the concept.

    Mr. Parsons just celebrated his 90th birthday. Word is …. he parties hearty…. can drink most anybody under the table, and likes peanut butter, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, with a shot of “James Beam” on the side.

    Whatever floats your boat, or keeps you going. Don’t knock it …. if you haven’t tried it.

  6. Speaking of seeing something with “my own two eyes,” just read where Iowa is considering allowing the blind to carry guns in public.


    Now how did Iowa beat Texas to that?

  7. JJ, how many more times are you going to post that photo? I get the dry heaves every time.

  8. I agree with Rhea.

  9. This is the best line I’ve read in a long time:

    I admit it. I got so drunk that I had to hold on to the grass to lean against the ground.

    I guess I like it so much because … I’ve been there and done that in my much, much younger days!

    I agree with Rhea … that putrid paisley picture of The Cruz makes me gag!!

  10. I made the mistake of showing that picture to my dog and he promptly threw up.

  11. Marion (formerly known as MM) says:

    JJ: “I admit it. I got so drunk that I had to hold on to the grass to lean against the ground.” Great line!

    maryelle @6: “I made the mistake of showing that picture to my dog and he promptly threw up.” LOL!

    Personally, I absolutely ADORE that picture. With great fondness, I await its debut as a campaign ad for the side of the good and the right and the true (in other words, us).

  12. He is not drunk who, from the floor
    Can raise his glass, and ask for more.

  13. I’m thinkin it’s statewide depression over the state of the State. Heck let’s party before things get worse. Wish someone would photoshop that picture with Ted flashing. He was probably doing it in the dorm anyway. Obviously the girls were not impressed.

  14. That picture needs to be spread far and wide… but not in Canada. We need to ship Carnival Cruz back home, and you know… we don’t want them to refuse the shipment.

    I’m up to my ears this week at the West Tx Fair and Rodeo, coordinating the Dem’s booth…the Repugs have a booth about 4 or so down from us, same aisle. I was down chatting with their sour-faced righteous booth sitters the first morning of the Fair. It was very-very slow that opening morning… so I was walking around, saying hello to all the other vendors, seeing old friends I’ve made the past 3 years during the Fair, etc… offering them a piece of our candy “not purchased with Food Stamps or taxpayer dollars.” Stopped to chat up the competition…. who when seeing my Stand With Wendy and Women Are Watching buttons started ranting and raving about how all those Lesbians were tearing up the capitol, being rude, and throwing urine and feces around the Statehouse. A disgrace.

    The Repugnican woman’s nametag only said “Mrs. Treadway”, and she kept referring to her husband as Dr Treadway…. OK, I’m Back…. Guess the poor dear lost her own identity somewhere over the past few decades.

    Then her booth partner, a white 50+ yr old male told me he was there the night of the filibuster, and he was the one who led the singing of the hymns. He then went on a rant about all the sights he saw…. the Lesbians, the terrible haircuts, the mohawks, the tattoos, the rings in their noses and lips… on and on and on. When he finally stopped to take a breath, I asked him if he had looked around at the folks at the Fair, because there were many folks sporting the same look, and “You don’t get out much do you?” LOL

    Then he handed me a flyer for the dude who is going to “Primary Randy Neugebauer”…. a “Constitutional Conservative Republican”. Yippee… I hope they spend a mint tearing each other apart. Hard to imagine anyone could be more Conservative than Rockin’ Randy, the guy’s name leaves my exhausted brain at this moment, but I do know he is an Opthamologist (obviously of the Rand Paul ilk) and writes a weekly Conservative column in the Lubbock Avalanche Journal.

    We registered quite a few voters. Had one guy hiss “hate that mulatto” at me because we had a video playing that had the President speaking about Obamacare…. always interesting times at the Fair. The Taylor County Republican Party has a petition to sign to Defund ObamaCare… we have a sympathy card to send to Wendy Davis and Family for the loss of her father. They finally started registering voters this afternoon, only for a couple of hours. Guess we made them nervous.

    We’re laughing, having fun. The Repugs – just old, worn out, and cranky. Hell, the Gideons have the booth directly across from us again this year… and they are enjoying all our high energy and activity, too. We had a major silly season laughing jag Saturday morning when the Eastland county chair’s husband asked a guy if he was registered to vote, the guy said no… he asked would you like to register, it only takes a minute, and is important. He said no. So Bill asked him “Would you like a DumDum?” (as in the lollipops we are giving to kids.) We all lost it… for 10 minutes. Poor redneck kid just walked off, clueless, with a DumDum in his mouth.

  15. I was just going to say that I was on the periphery of a group whose motto is “You can’t fall off the floor,” but I hate to follow Miss Prissybritches….

  16. Hugh Hefner wannabe.


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