Well, Crap, Dewhurst

August 27, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

I know y’all are going to be shocked, shocked I tell you, that Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst’s pronouncement that the Texas Department of Public Safety confiscated  jars of urine and feces at the women’s rights debate at the State Capitol is a much bigger event than originally suspected.

David Dewhurst

Turns out that those jars were freekin’ invisible.

Hellfire, that ought to win us some kind of Nobel science prize or something.  I mean it’s just not every day that invisible matter shows up, much less at the Texas Capitol.

Documents released Monday by the Texas Department of Public Safety’s provided no new evidence that officers found one jar of urine and 18 containers of feces at the Capitol before a July 12 debate on a controversial abortion bill.

The story is taking some odd twists.  Lots of trial balloons are going up.

One says they didn’t actually confiscate the bottles but just asked people to throw them in the garbage, which should trigger an EPA investigation and an environmental impact study.  Oops, sorry, my mistake.  It wouldn’t.  This is the Texas Capitol where feces freely flow.

Another story says they didn’t confiscate and mark the items because they didn’t have time what with all those crazy women running around.  Oh, but they had time for a press release and much indignation from the Lt. Gov’s office.  Of course, you do have to consider that they have indignation on tap at the Lt. Gov.’s office.

Of course, none of the stories says, “We just made this crap up,” followed by hysterical laughter at their ability to understand puns.

So, the DPS looks like Barney Fife and the Lt. Gov. looks like he’s once again the official tools of the State of Texas.

And all this was done in search of a probable cause for confiscating tampons at the state capitol during a public hearing.  They are saying they took the tampons because they found jars of crap.  Close, but no cigar.  They took tampons because they are full of crap.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

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20 Comments to “Well, Crap, Dewhurst”

  1. Marge Wood says:

    Well, I’m glad they got THAT figured out. I mean, taking all the tampons was really over the top and all that other stuff anyone with sense woulda looked it up on FactCheck or Snopes. And I LOVE the idea of invisible jars. I mean, the Texas Capitol has all sorts of ghosts but ghost JARS, isn’t that wonderful! It should bring in more tourists.

  2. I find it absolutely unbelievable that anyone attempting to carry a “jar of urine” and/or “containers of feces” through a security check was not arrested or photographed, caught on security tape, whatever.

    Yet another ‘we did it because we can, oops’ story.

  3. Alacrity Fitzhughe says:

    I think the twitter hashtag on the sign in the picture should be:


    Just saying….

  4. So, according to Dewhurst you can make up $h!t, literally, and get away with it. Or at least try to.

  5. RepubAnon says:

    Stealth excrement? The mind boggles.

    The saying “a lie can travel around the world before the truth gets its boots on” now has the additional meaning of the type of bovine-derived organic fertilizer, spread by the lie, that the truth must wade through.

  6. From here on in, and with great appropriateness, he is Doo-doohurst. He brung it on himself.

  7. JJ, aren’t you being too hard on the man? The Europeans spent billions of dollars, and years of research and experimentation to discover the almost invisible Higgs Boson particle. Dewhurst and company found something even smaller, with even less mass – – and I bet it cost them a whole lot less money. This is a scientific breakthrough of invisible proportions. Oh, and less government regulation too, because in this case, what was there to regulate?

  8. Apparently women in Texas are going to have to find a source of tampons that are shaped like guns if they don’t want to have them confiscated.

  9. Personally, I think “well crap” just about covers it.

  10. The absolute best part of all of this is that if DooDooHurst holds a deep and abiding faith in his religious profession, he knows that he will burn in H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS for that stupid lie. That satisfies me.

    If he doesn’t, well then, drat it all.

  11. UmptyDump says:

    Summing it up in just two words: No s**t?

  12. Going to get my conceal/carry just in case there is another filibuster. Know you can get in the capital with that.

  13. Have we told DARPA about the cloaking device that keeps these jars and containers from being photographed? The DPS really should not have made these claims if they did not have pictures of the jars and containers.

  14. Corinne Sabo says:

    Wow, invisible urine. The drug testers will be very unhappy to hear about that.

  15. A jar in the hand is worth two in the crapper.

  16. Sam in Kyle says:

    If Perry’s handpicked DPS head will lie about this I’ve got to believe he has either lied in the past or covered up misconduct by those under him.

  17. Charles Phillips says:

    Texas is a state of courageous, intelligent, creative people led by morons and idiots.

    Which describes most every state, but Texas does it bigger and better.

  18. Can’t we all start shipping unwrapped Million Dollar Bar candy and jars of lemonade to Lt. Governor DewdooHurst and address the packages that way? Kinda like the folks who sent cantaloupes to Steve King in Iowa or Utah or wherever that was?

    We can include one of those gun-shaped tampons if LynnN can find a source! (Loved that one, LynnN, I’m still giggling.)

    Then we can let the local TV news station know after the packages start arriving. Heehee. Maybe he’ll be running around shouting “we found ‘em, we found ‘em”. What a tool.

  19. Glenda Turck says:

    After ages of cleaning up babies and toddlers pee and poop I don’t think most women want to have to see or handle the stuff to throw at others. That sort of crap (pun intended) seems more like a male think.

  20. Blue Wolf Bosh says:

    “Poopgate” continues to show that David Dewhurst is full of crap.