When It Rains, It Pours Louie

May 24, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Y’all, it’s not natural for a girl to get this lucky.

First, Ole Louie Gohmert, God Bless His Heart, got to speaking in tongues again.  This time about owls mating.  I know.  And K-Mart.  I know, I know, it’s crazy.

Gohmert recalled that once during a discussion about endangered species, he had heard that “a pair of spotted owls that we were told for years couldn’t mate anywhere but virgin woods, untouched by human hands, they may have been seen mating in [a] Kmart sign.”

“And sheer sarcasm and out of irony I said, you know, there are a lot of Kmarts that have been out of business,” he continued. “Maybe we need to see if that’s really true and if so, maybe get Kmart signs, see if they ought to be declared endangered and maybe have a Kmart sign forest, where these little owls could mate like crazy out there on the Kmart signs.”

That is neither irony or sarcasm.  That’s talking without saying nothing.  Louie, normal people do not spend a lot of time thinking about KMart being the NoTell Hotel for owls.

Then, as if to put a crown on my damn perfect day, I pick up the local rightwing newspaper, who like Fox News, ironically names themselves The Independent.  Mostly, I think, because the only writer for the newspaper is owned lock, stock, and barrel, by some rightwing good ole boys who want their own newspaper and independent is the last damn thing they are.

Okay, so they did a front page story about Louie Gohmert coming to speak to the local Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club.  They call themselves the Spirit of Freedom but everybody else calls them the Belles of Heaven.  I told you all about it.

What we did not know is that Tom DeLay was coming out of his delusional closet where he has been hiding to try to rewrite history.

Seriously.  You have to see this front page to believe it.

OH HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE.

Louie Gohmert and Tom DeLay – THE Titans of Congress.

NO GOD, DON’T LOOK.  We don’t need any more tornadoes and this many lies and frightening thoughts in one place could only mean that even Pat Robertson can’t piss you off this much.

No, no, seriously.  Hell, I even took a picture of it just to make sure it wasn’t a vampire or something.

Titans of Congress – a crazed man and a crook.  OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE.

Then the article starts telling the story of poor Tom Delay, wrongly convicted by a vindictive DA and hounded out of office by Dennis Hastert (who, Tom has apparently forgotten, was the only character witness he could muster up during his trial) and sentenced by a judge who didn’t know how long three years is or some damn thing.

Look, I was there, dammit, and none of that happened.  I heard the jury of 12 citizens – who wanted to convict him of something much stronger.  I heard the judge (who was a Republican) say that he did not believe Tom DeLay and then sentence him to three years hard time.  I saw Tom clutch his Bible to speak to the court – even through he refused to be sworn in – and blame it all on Nancy Pelosi and former Travis County DA Ronnie Earle.   Nancy Pelosi made you laundry money?  And I heard him say, “I’m not whining,” three times.  Yes, dammit, he was whining THAT much.

Tom DeLay was convicted for one reason and one reason alone:  he’s a damn crook.  He may have bought his way with Republican appeals court judges to stay out of prison and they may even overturn his conviction as a favor owed, but he’s a crook.  A titan crook.

Titans of Congress – my big blue butt.

But I will cut it out and treasure it because if the Belles of Heaven have that low mark of standards, I’ve got a line of cosmetics made out of plastic that I’d like to sell them.

Plus, people in foreign states will love this.

Titan.  Congress.  Noooooooo…..

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39 Comments to “When It Rains, It Pours Louie”


  1. Still think this bunch of bimbos should be renamed the “Hell’s Belles”.

    I thought good ole Tom had moved to places unknown.

    Leave it to good ole Louie Gohmert to drag him out of hiding, and show him off.

    Geeesh.

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  2. Deacon Blue says:

    Aw dang, I was just fixin’ to bring Looney Louie’s latest tom(DeLay)foolery to Miss Juanita, and well, here it is!

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  3. The alternate reality is strong with them.

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  4. BarbinDC says:

    That proves that the wingnuts are living in a separate parallel universe–otherwise known as Bizaarro World.

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  5. Bosco Brown says:

    I didn’t realize that Louie was the “runt of the litter!” When you’re no taller than DeLay, you’re really a short sh*t!

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  6. Hmmm. . . bizarro world. Seems like I’ve been there before. Yep! 45 years ago I married a mudbud and spent a little time with him down home. It seems that the men in such parts have so little to say that damn near anything will fall out of their mouths and I ain’t meanin’ teeth! Dull, boring and stoooopid! Especially the ones who never left the county where they were born or left it too damn late in life to reverse the damage. My mudbud did manage to get unstuck but he still suffered from malaise of the mouth from time to time. Fortunately in social settings he let me do the talking!

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  7. Louie underestimates the potentials of mating in a K-Mart sign. Just sayin’

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  8. Sam in Kyle says:

    Those of us who lived in Tom’s district know some stories from his past that make me wonder how he didn’t burst into flames when he went into a church. Some of his escapades including the school principal with whom he had an affair and some of his personal proclivities are wild and possibly borderline legally.

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  9. Mimi Diane says:

    Am I the only person who had to think long and hard before renewing my Native Texan license plates this year?

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  10. It does me so much good to watch you light into my congressvarmint, Louie Gohmert. Some mornings I can hardly wait to get out of bed and see what he has said or done overnight. What’s even crazier is that this district keeps reelecting him, like he’s done something good to deserve it. I suppose P.T. Barnum was right after all.

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  11. maryelle says:

    Texas cocky meets Texas crazy. No good will come of this.

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  12. It appears Tom Delayed (is he ever going to prison?) has given up the girdle he wore on Dancing With The Stars, you remember the program everyone used to watch until Tom and the Palin git ruined it.

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  13. Hmm. Titans, the Titans were overstuffed beings of power with many a disfunctional tendency and ultimately got replaced by their offspring who were equally disfunctional. A common theme back then was the powerful are slain by their own progeny/creation.

    I think “Titans” may be very appropos. Titan Gohmert, patron entity of mis-communication and hyperbole.

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  14. Lorraine in Spring says:

    Pass that crown over, girl, I need to borrow it for a few hours.

    Just look at that fine picture. A bowl of breathing nuts. So realistic. Please notice that Ms. Fancher is leaning into Gohmert seemingly to get away from Delay. Also notice she’s sweating like Dick Cheney at the Pearly Gates. Even her subconcious knows there’s something wrong being near those two at the same time. I’m surprised there was no spontaneous combustion in the room.

    Thanks for the morning cheer, JJ!

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  15. Stephanie in Arlington says:

    Seriously, I think she does have stained armpits!!!

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  16. Stephanie in Arlington says:

    And I should have read the article that’s linked before I commented so I could also comment on the horrible writing skills of the reporter. No wonder he votes for Louie & his ilk!

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  17. barbinbastrop says:

    I can see Tom’s hand in the picture, but where was Louie’s? Could that explain the slimmy grin on his face?

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  18. TexasEllen says:

    Doesn’t Mrs. Fancher realize that ladies do not glow in their armpits? Or is antiperspirant too liberal for the Belles of Heaven?

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  19. Sam in Kyle says:

    Mrs Fancher has no worries from Tom; she’s much older than his favorite prey.

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  20. Yes, Ms. Fancher’s pits are overly damp and Louie … he’s leaning in to rub against her boob … one boob to another!!

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  21. arden henderson says:

    Priceless and well worth sharing everywhere. Juanita Jean continues to hit ‘em out of the ballpark. A great way to start the weekend.TGIJJ!

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  22. Carolsb says:

    Ewwwww! I should not have eaten lunch before looking at that picture.

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  23. daisymae says:

    love these comments! But what about her breastes?

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  24. Louis Gohmert is more than stupid and crazy, he’s evil. He told a woman who aborted a fetus which had no brain function that she should have carried it to term, to see if it would survive.
    http://www.salon.com/2013/05/24/louie_gohmert_women_should_be_forced_to_carry_non_viable_pregnancies_to_term/

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  25. Gohmert …had heard that “a pair of spotted owls…”
    Good to know Louie can fall back on his vast knowledge of avian biology, if this congressman thing doesn’t work out.

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  26. Apologies for twice posting same topic…

    Pardon me but folk like Louie and Tom bring out the nasty disgusting 14 year old that lives just below that thin veneer of house broke that covers me.

    Weren’t Titans the offspring of Uranus and Gaea?

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  27. Aggieland liz says:

    Micr that’s just plain fun! Kudos!

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  28. Elise Von Holten says:

    Wikipedia says this:
    “According to Paul Faure, the name “Titan” can be found on Linear A written as “Tan” or “Ttan”, which represents a single deity rather than a group.[5] Other scholars believe the word is related to the Greek verb τείνω (to stretch), a view Hesiod himself appears to share: “But their father Ouranos, who himself begot them, bitterly gave to them to those others, his sons, the name of Titans, the Stretchers, for they stretched out their power outrageously.”[6]”
    So Titan may be the correct term, for both of these crazy, evil, willfully ignorant beings. I don’t know…I feel so sorry for Texas, but more for the rest of us who have to put up with such shenanigans–sigh, maybe they will stretch the truth, the power, the fabric too much and get a horrible rebound–we can only hope.

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  29. Rod Tanner says:

    Titans? What a laugh. Totalitarians or Twits maybe.

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  30. Saw Pat Robertson’s name and it reminded me of a conversation with my son over Robertson’s ‘spin’ on the tornadoes. His comeback was that Robertson and his group were just Westboro Lite. I thought it fit pretty well. :-D

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  31. UmptyDump says:

    I’m gonna start keeping count. I have a theory that Louie says more dumb things than all other members of the House of Representatives combined. That’s right. All 434 other members COMBINED.

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  32. UmptyDump says:

    Oops. I forgot about Steve Stockman and Brad Farenthold. Without counting them, I have a strong case about Louie. With them, it’s more debatable.

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  33. “love these comments! But what about her breastes?”

    Indeed!

    You peeps crack me up. Plus, the Louies and the Toms and the Ricks are (admit it!) the best thing about being Texans. Where else do you find this priceless entertainment…for free?

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  34. Louie is living proof that there is no such thing as bad publicity, or at least he thinks so.

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  35. Apparently, Debbie Fancher does some singing because she performed at the 7th Annual Beacon of Hope Banquet Masquerade Madness which was a fundraiser held by Mental Health America of Fort Bend County on May 18th. Maybe she was just doing some research for that event. I did some research myself and took a look at the organization’s website: https://mhafbc.org/.

    If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, there are some interesting headlines such as “Feds Rank Texas Worst Healthcare Provider” and “Rick Perry’s Refusal to Expand Medicaid Program Could Result in Thousands of Deaths”. I wonder if she endorses this kind of blasphemy. Never mind, I know the answer. At least the event was a masquerade – by definition it’s an event where you can give the appearance that you care.

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  36. Rubymay says:

    S’pose she’s sweating just being in church? And by the way, Louie was given a lifetime membership by Chris Matthews on his “Sideshow.” There’s no one more deserving.

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  37. That poor, poor woman now has to face all her friends in Belles & Co. knowing they’re all snickering behind her back about her armpits sweating up a storm. Somehow this photo reeks of the ladies in “The Help” who put on the annual fundraiser in town. My sides hurt from laughing!

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  38. If I had those two nasty guys puttin’ their hands on me and knew I didn’t dare punch them in the goolies in front of others, I’d be doing worse than sweating in the armpits. Ye gods, Debbie, you could’ve let someone else take that spot. But there’s that cheerleader smile. Girl, you need a better class of boyfriend.

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  39. My husband just heard me renounce my Texas ‘citizenship’ as he had me naturalized at Folk Fest in San Antonio in 81… I think he is trying to figure out if he can change to his birthplace to somewhere other than Texas…

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