And Just When You Think You’ve Had Enough Fun With Guns …

May 06, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

An American man named Jeremiah Raber  spent about $100,000 of his own money to create something every man needs, a device that can deflect bullets from 9mm and .22 caliber handguns.

“It is a bullet resistant groin protection device,” Raber said. “It is the world’s strongest cup.”

Because we don’t need no damn bulletproof helmet.  We need this.

And he named it …. of course … Armored Nutshellz.

I know that you did not want to know that but I just had to tell you.  It’s my job.

Jeremiah without his Bullfrog

Jeremiah went on teevee in Missouri and “shot 9mm rounds into a athletic cup filled with red dye to prove that men’s groins were susceptible to bullets without additional armor.”  Because we would not have known that without all the red dye vividly spattering everywhere.  It was like one of those science experiments.  Oh Look!  Bullets can pierce humans everywhere.  I imagine even on their feet.

To prove the product worked, Raber fired several rounds from 9mm and .22 caliber handguns at a Nutshellz protector. Each time, the bullet did little more than dent the groin shield.

I’m still waiting for someone to volunteer to test it live.

Louie Gohmert could do this to prove his mettle.  I think this also looks like a job for SuperRick Perry.  He doens’t seem to be using his much anyway.

Double dog dare.

You gotta love this country, where nobody has ever lost a dime protecting what is valuable.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

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27 Comments to “And Just When You Think You’ve Had Enough Fun With Guns …”

  1. I think it is wholly admirable that these guys are concerned about protecting their brains from gun violence.

    Of course, some might argue that most guys’ brains aren’t kept in their groinal area, but if you read the article again I think you’ll see that my comment was accurate in this case.

  2. Karen Crosby says:

    Oh, Louie, please, please, please…

  3. Corinne Sabo says:

    Gee, does it stop well-placed kicks and knees?

  4. Nuts in a cup. Just what the world needed.

  5. Wyatt_Earl says:

    AS IF Gohmert had anything to protect . . . .

  6. daChipster says:

    Starring Chow Yun-Fat in Bulletproof Junk!

    I can see steam coming from the marketing department at UnderArmor.

    And here you thought a groin vault was just a Romanesque ceiling!

    Also works great on knives, enthused John Bobbitt.

    A New Direction in Erection Protection.

  7. A very bad country-western song is growing in my head at this moment…haven’t quite got the melody, but the refrain…”Allz that matters is the ballz….when you come down to the end, and been shot up by your friend…allz that matters is the ballz…” There’s more. Be grateful I’m sparing you. No, I’m sorry, it has to come out…”When he’s shot you in the arm, that don’t really count as harm–you’ve another one to blast him where he stands. Keep your finger on the trigger, make that hole in him much bigger, this is why you learned to shoot with both your hands. *chorus* When he’s shot you in the head and you think that you is dead, don’t you worry none, you’re gonna be OK. You don’t need a working brain to vote “Perry” once again, and he’ll keep the feds from taking guns away. *chorus* Son, as long as you got ballz, you can go when nature calls, and the girls will hug your neck and kiss you twice. If you’re just a blob of jello, they’ll be sayin’ “Sailor, hello! Being big there warms my heart–I’ll treat you nice.” *chorus*. So go out right now and buy it, then get your bud to try it, while you hold your beer and pose for instant fame. If the Nutshellz save your lovin’ there’ll be one more in the oven, and your barefoot wife will never change her name.”

    Apologies all. Did 3400 words on the book today and my brain is fried.

  8. So when a madman finishes shooting at him with his assault rifle the only piece left of intact flesh will be this guy’s scrotum. Maybe we could make a purse out of it.

  9. What would be useful is a model with a lock, and a key – – that you can throw away. That would REALLY solve a problem. In a generation anyway…

  10. This brought out the Best in everybody!!

  11. Robert B Gould says:

    He needs…..

  12. Farhan Shamsi says:

    I wonder if it will protect from an ex-wife.

  13. Adequate words just fail me. I got nothing. So disappointing.

    Well this… say a guy wears one of these and takes a potentially fatal? nut shot from his girlfriend’s husband uhhh dad. I mean. Is there space for the cup to collapse inward? How much? Where would the ricochet end up? I’m thinking I got two femoral arteries living in the same zip code.

  14. maryelle says:

    Emoon: Can’t wait to hear those lyrics set to music!

    Apparently the army is interested in testing this product. I can think of a few Repugs I’d like to volunteer.

  15. Forget the brain. Protect the jewels.

  16. After listening all night to terrible things happening in the world and politically in the USA, this is exactly what I need just before bedtime. I just hope my giggling doesn’t keep me awake.
    I don’t know any of you except by your ID names here, but I love each and every one of you! I wish I were as clever with words as you are.
    One last thought: They aren’t worried about protecting the brain because it isn’t necessary for their way of life.
    Still giggling!

  17. I see it is ventilated in order to get oxygen to the brain located in the small head.

  18. TexasEllen says:

    Fools and money are soon parted. Did this ol’ boy have a booth at the Houston NRA festival?

  19. Ralph Wiggam says:

    The femoral arteries are located a couple of inches right and left of the cup area.

    So this guy protected his non-vital organs while leaving two of the most important and vital arteries unguarded.

    I’ll bet he locks his windows but leaves the front door open.

  20. Maggie says:

    And this sells for . . . how much?

  21. Jackie says:

    Still laughing at that photo, “Jeremiah without his bullfrog”…and I don’t know why.

  22. Lorraine in Spring says:

    I forget – which Super Hero used to deflect bullets with their metal bracelets? Was it Wonder Woman? I wanna see this guy do the same thing with his invention. Should be quite the ballet.

  23. daChipster says:

    One more: a nutcase’s nutcase.

  24. Katie Johnsonius says:

    EMoon, you have made my day! So glad that you didn’t stop before it was over! No apologies necessary, but kudos well deserved! Thanks.

  25. Kay Carrasco says:

    One of the funniest threads ever, *especially* EMoon’s brilliant lyrics – daChipster, you have competition! (By the way, the tune my mind hears for that is something cheerful and bouncy, akin to “The Farmer & the Rancher Should be Friends” from _Oklahoma_!)

    Oh oh oh. Laughing. So. Hard.

  26. For the tintinnabulation of nut shellz, shellz, shellz, shellz, shellz, shellz, shellz. That’s all I’ve got right now.

  27. Aggieland liz says:

    Ok, EMoon – sorry to poach and yours is far more clever, but ever since I read this the Armour Hot Dogs jingle has been running through my head, so in an attempt to purge it, here we go:

    Nutshelz- Armored Nutshelz
    What kind of boyz need Armored Nutshelz?
    Fat boyz, skinny boyz,
    Boyz with tiny stocks
    Tough boyz, angry boyz,
    Boyz who need them trigger locks
    Need Nutshelz
    Armored Nutshelz!
    For boyz whose heads are blo-o-ocks
    The Shelz will guard their rocks!