Archive for May, 2013

Well, Honey, You Might Be On To Something

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Texas Republican women are a species entirely into themselves.

I’m not saying b-i-m-b-o, but many of them are a quart low on estrogen and half a bubble off plumb.

Cathie Adams

Allow me to introduce Cathie Adams, former chairman of the Texas Republican Party, current President of the Eagle Forum and Chief Muslim Investigator for the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club.

Her newest suspected Muslim?  Grover Norquist.

No, seriously.

In a video posted by the Far North Dallas Tea Party on Thursday, Texas Eagle Forum President and former Chairman of the Texas Republican Party Cathie Adams presented evidence that Norquist was part of a “stealth jihad” in the United States.

Adams said that Norquist, who is married to a Muslim woman, was “trouble with a capital ‘T’” because “he’s showing signs of converting to Islam himself.”

“As you see, he has a beard,” she pointed out. “He’s married a Muslim woman. But he denies that he has converted himself. He denies that.”

He’s got a damn beard, people!  Open your eyes, smell the coffee and wake up, America!  He has a damn beard.

I do not know what proof you want.  Beard.  Muslim.  Duh.

Grover. Beard.

But, that’s not all.

“He and Karl Rove are very good friends. I don’t like Karl Rove, and I certainly don’t like Grover Norquist.”

Adams went on to suggest that CIA Director John Brennan could also be a secret Muslim.

“Where is the outcry?” she asked. “Thank God that Ted Cruz is now in the United States Senate!”

Yeah, where’s the outcry?  Ted Cruz does not have a beard.  Plus, he’s the Official Republican Party Commie Muslim Counter.  Ted Cruz can count them and call them by name.

I’m glad that Cathie made it clear that she doesn’t like Karl Rove but that he’s not a Muslim.  No beard, no Muslim.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

A Circus in Search of a Big Top

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

In a very Christian move, the First Baptist Church of Helena and the First Baptist Church of Pelham Aladamnbama have tossed the Boy Scouts to the streets.

Rev Mike Shaw

The Rev. Mike Shaw, pastor of First Baptist Church of Pelham and former president of the state’s largest denomination, the Alabama Baptist Convention, that the church will no longer be able to sponsor Troop 404 as of Jan. 1 when the new policy takes effect.

“We don’t hate anybody,” Shaw said. “We’re not doing it out of hatred. The teachings of the scripture are very clear on this. We’re doing it because it violates the clear teaching of scripture.”

And Jesus hung out with prostitutes because ….

Rev. Shaw, Jesus didn’t have anything to say about homosexuality but he had a mess of things to say about being judgmental.  I suspect that you’re gonna have some ‘splain’ to do at the Pearly Gates.

I’ll be the one over on the side waiting and giggling.

Would Somebody Please Stand in Front of John Stossel and Holler “Damfool!” For Me?

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

So, John Stossel, whose flighty superiority grinds on me like a rusty chainsaw, has announced that we don’t need any social programs because “no one died of starvation during the depression.”

And John knows that to be true because  … he wasn’t there, he didn’t starve, and Herbert Hoover’s chuckle was great entertainment.

No, seriously, I’m busy today so find this damfool and holler at him.

We didn’t keep birth and death statistics back then because children died in the dust bowl without a damn birth certificate.  Does he think the depression was the Golden Age of America?

Thank you for your helpful suggestion that we have bread lines again, John.

The Father, The Son, and the Holy Bushmaster

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

The Goofy Vacuum left by Michele Bachmann has a whole list of applicants and I’m proud to say that most of them are from Texas.

Steve Stockman, Louie Gohmert’s philosophical brother and fellow east Texan, has proclaimed that gun are from God.

No, seriously.  You know, like manna.

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) warned on Thursday that the United Nations was seeking to violate what he described as the god-given right to have guns through its Arms Trade Treaty, which President Barack Obama has suggested he’ll sign next month.

“The right to keep and bear arms is granted by God and protecting [sic] from government aggression by the Constitution,” Stockman said in a statement. “It is not subject to the whims of global totalitarians massed in New York City.”

Damn.  Think how Moses feels.

You know, I’m not pretending to be any Biblical scholar or anything but it seems to me that if God had wanted us to have guns, he would have made them grow on trees or something.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Testing a Mother’s Love

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Eugene Robinson has an interesting column this morning calling the GOP “too juvenile to govern.”

His contention is backed by examples of silly butt ways the GOP whines about something the Democrats are or aren’t doing and then the minute the Democrats do it, Republicans obstruct the implementation.

The most recent example is that after hollering about Democrats not having a budget, they now want to block the appointment of members of the conference committee once there is a budget.

I adore two year olds.  They are so darn cute, hollering and stomping NO every chance they get.  Having raised three of them, I am constantly amazed that there are any three year olds at all.  It is a stunning tribute to motherhood and love that any two year old lives a year.

It’s cute for one year.  God knew better than to let it go on longer than that because that’s as long as even a mother will put up with it.  After that, she would walk out of the cave and not look back.

My question is this:  I am not Ted Cruz’s mother.  How long does he expect me to put up with this?

Thanks to UmptyDump for the heads up

Friday Toons

May 31, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

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