I want you to meet Elton.
He’s a real cutie. But, he’s gay.
Up in Tennessee, Elton’s owner dropped him off at a pet shelter that euthanizes dogs. The owner had proof that Elton was gay because he caught Elton humping another male dog.
In that case, my dog Truman is a human. He is also a squeeky toy, and once or twice a particularity docile statue of a donkey in my backyard.
I can tell by the look in Elton’s eyes that he’s also a communist and a liberal television star.
Thelma suspects that Elton’s owner knew that Elton wasn’t gay but was just jealous because Elton humped the owner’s favorite dog to hump. And the dog liked Elton better. Jealousy is a cruel mistress, Eton.
I am proud to announce that Elton found a loving home and can hump his life away in peace.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.