I Mean, What’s a Girl Gotta Do To Get On The NRA’s Enemy List?

February 01, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

I want on the NRA Enemy List and I am hoping like crazy that getting on it does not involve cold, dead hands or Charlton Heston movies because both of those things creep me out.

Yea, Buddy, the NRA has an Enemy List and those suckers post it right on their website.

There are about a gazillion names on it but some just kinda stand out.

The AARP.  Are you serious?  Honey, I will pit my walker, my oxygen tank, my cane, and a bottle of Centrum Silver that weighs about 10 pounds up against anything you got, Big Wayne.  I do not need an assault rifle; I’ve had so many X-Rays that I can kill you with radiation.

American Association for the Surgery of Trauma.  Now, I can understand you listing the American Academy of Pediatrics as an enemy, but you’d think a trauma surgeon would need the business you provide.

American Psychological Association.  Okay, this one I get.  I think they saw that crazy woman you brought to the hearing who claims that all women need scary-looking guns.  Dude, that was woo-wee-woo.

Congress of Neurological Surgeons.  Hope you guys never need a doctor.

League of Women Voters of the United States.  Or a date.

United Methodist Church, United Church of Christ, Paul Rabbi Menitaff, and United States Catholic Conference.  Or somebody to preach over your cold, dead hands.

Then comes Everybody in Hollywood, including Meryl Streep, The Temptations, Dick Van Dyke, and, Andy Williams, who has been dead for six months and I hope you had nothing to do with that.  I suspect you can retire his voo-doo doll.

Next comes Corporations, including  American Multi Cinemas Entertainment, Inc., Argosy Casino, Hallmark Cards, the Kansas City Chiefs, the Kansas City Royals, Levi Strauss & Co., Sara Lee Corporation, the  St. Louis Rams, Stoneyfield Farms Yogurt, and Time Warner Inc.  No wonder you guys go to the firing range – that’s the only place you don’t have enemies.

And, of course, every Newspaper and Magazine in America, including, oddly, Motorcycle Cruiser Magazine and McCalls.

And, Mary Lou Retton.  Seriously.  And Cathy Rigby.  Have mercy, Oh Lord, on the souls who hate Mary Lou Retton and Cathy Rigby.

And, The Wife of Mike Meyers.

I’m sure you’ll find other names and perhaps your own.

Personally, I will pay them ten dollars cash American money in unmarked bills to get on their enemy list.  It means that much to me, and I am just not up for the gymnastic Olympic team.

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30 Comments to “I Mean, What’s a Girl Gotta Do To Get On The NRA’s Enemy List?”

  1. Marge Wood says:

    You gotta be kidding. WHY are these people/groups on the NRA enemy list?

  2. When you find out to do it…let me know!

  3. Perhaps you, Juanita, could write a letter, and we could, as your faithful readers could all sign it and get our names on that list.
    I would consider it a badge of honor.

    I looked at that list and what do I see? Most of the people on this list need to PICK UP AFTER the results of gun violence.
    They are literally biting the hands that keep people alive.
    How stupid are these people?

  4. W C Peterson says:

    Maybe you can have Ed Koch’s place on the list (RIP, Ed). I’d also like to be on the list, but I see my Church is there, so if there’s only one slot open, I’ll let you go first. It’s a pretty impressive list.
    Who do they have on their favorites list — Ted Nugent? Tom Sellick?

  5. publius bolonius says:

    I like this idea, sorta, except for the ‘Strange Wayne getting more cash’ part. It really opens up a whole new approach to member-supported lobbying groups.

  6. Now, just a minute there WC. First of all the spelling is Selleck, and second where did that come from? I’m serious, the only thing I remember about Tom Selleck and guns is the horrible interview by Rosie O’Donnell where she bushwacked him.

    I guess you know I’m a fan.

  7. I envy Barbara Streisand, she got on both the Nixon and NRA enemy lists. Sigh……

  8. Uncle Dave says:

    This thread should be accompanied by the photograph, in today’s FoatWurth Startlegram, of the gaggle of gun-toters who paraded through the stockyards yesterday, defending the right to bear arms. Looking at the tattoos on the arms of some of the lady paraders raises a concern they have confused the right to bear arms with the right to bare arms. Without regard to gender, most of those folks looked double coyote ugly. They also appeared on the color TV last night, disclosing IQs that appear to average a bit below that of an aspidistra that suffers from overwatering.

  9. Uncle Dave, could we get a link to that? Nosy folks want to see.

    Hippie in the Hollar

  10. Well, WC I guess I see now where you are coming from. I read the Wiki on Tom, ah well we all have our quirks. So I can still be a fan, but not one uninformed. Another burst bubble.Waaaaaaaaaah.

  11. SomedayGirl says:

    Holy smoke…it would have been quicker for them to list who isn’t an enemy.

  12. I would like to get on the list too. I would be among some impressive people, companies and organizations. Alas, the list has not been updated since 9/17/12. Poor dears. They must have realized that all this list is doing is making people want to be for gun control.

  13. That must mean that Nugent and similar folk are on their Friends list. With Benefits. Like hate, irrationality, sociopathy and general nastiness.

  14. Lorraine in Spring says:

    NRAers, who love God & Guns so much, sure seem to hate a lot of people.

    And Bob Barker? Guess they’re afraid he’ll spay & neuter them if he catches one.

    Good Grief. The NRA is a bunch of whiny hineys.

  15. I wanna be on the list, too!!!! Maybe if I write them and ask real nice……

  16. The AARP. Really??

    I’m a member…… what do you know?…… I made the list.

    We all know….. these people are a few bricks short of whatever. Actually what they are…. are bat crap crazy nuts….

    And, I do wish Bob Barker would spay and neuter them all.

  17. Sarah Lee? really?

    Like Marge Wood, the first poster here, I’d like to know what it takes to get on that list. But I confess, I’d rather get JJ or Wonkette’s take on the “why” because I feel actual research will be terribly, terribly time consuming, what with wading through the paranoia and having to stop laughing hysterically every couple of minutes. Then there’s the expense of the booze to self-medicate afterwards…. SO any brief and snarky summary is more than welcome!

  18. Love it LynnN, those sound like solid NRA family values!

    May I just say, I am delighted to have not one but two sports teams from my community make the list! The Kansas City Chiefs and the Kansas City Royals both made the list, it almost makes up for Todd Aiken. Almost.

    Remember the Kevin Baccon Game, where you picked a celebrity and tried to see how many degrees of separation (people), that actor was from doing a film with Baccon. I have an idea for a new game, how about how many connections people have with the NRA Enemies List? I would suggest the following scale:

    1 Connection: The NRA contacts a member in your area to keep an eye on you.

    2 Connections: The NRA warns local chapters to be on the look out for you as you clearly have subversive tendencies.

    3 Connections: Obviously, you have Socialist tendencies! Are you sure you aren’t from Kenya? The NRA contacts Sheriff Joe and has them send a posse to your house, just for your protection you understand!

    4 Connections: You probably hate trucks and apple pie in addition to the 2nd Amendment don’t you? The NRA publishes you name in your local paper.

    5 Connections: Dang, you HATE the Constitution don’t you? Are you certain you are an American? The NRA has their gun sights set on you. Leaving you off the list was clearly a mistake!

  19. My employer is on the list! (I mean, on the part that you’ve posted here.)

    I’m so proud :) I mean, it sort of counts if I work for an enemy of the NRA, right?

  20. Melissa Roth says:

    Cool. Now, I have another list of companies that I WANT to support. I need a positive list to cancel out the list of companies that don’t support a woman’s right to birth control or gay rights.

  21. I’m not on either, but it would be an honor!

  22. Corinne Sabo says:

    I’m a Catholic member of AARP……

  23. The NRA provides Congressional committees the list of gun-control supporters… and what a list it is! Wow! Go figure! Looks like they hacked into the website of DemandAPlan.org & copied their list of subscribers to Mayors Against Gun Violence.

  24. It seem rather odd that the Journalist section is spilt 40% cartoonist to 60% columnist. (omitting editors)
    Does this reflect upon the ability of NRA’s leadership to read or delve deeply into the subject?

  25. Melissa Ross, I’m with you. I already have a list of nasty-owned companies to boycott (we can hardly get a pizza anymore) and it keeps getting longer.

    Now I can add to my list of companies to patronize. Also Girl Scouts and their cookies, because they’re all pro-abortion lesbians, somebody says.

    Stonyfield Farms makes good yogurt. Sara Lee makes some tasty stuff too.

  26. Thanks, Deb, and everyone else. AARP, League of Women Voters, the list goes on and on. JJ, tell me please where I can send my ten American dollars to get my name on that list — because I’ll be right there with ‘ya.

  27. I’ve been pondering on this whole “list” thing, because this morning HuffPost also did an article on it.

    AARP: = Old people.

    Maybe one reason we got to be “old”, and able to join AARP, is that we don’t go waving guns around at other folks. Who knows anymore?

    I think Joe McCarthy, Herbert Hoover, and Tricky Dick Nixon used to keep “enemies” lists.

    The NRA has put itself in interesting company.

  28. The whole Zappa family! So glad I saw Dweezil’s ‘Zappa Plays Zappa’ show the other week before the NRA boycott puts them out of business. -As if.

  29. This sends a chill down my spine. Am I overreacting or paranoid or does this sound like a “hit” list for a truly paranoid, psychotic member of the NRA or other wacked out militia cultist?

  30. Miemaw: Did you mean J. Edgar Hoover instead of Herbert? Maybe it ran in the family.