I Wanna Hold Your Hand (Not Applicable in Tennessee)

April 12, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

Well, and then there’s Internet porn.

(WMC-TV) – Tennessee senators approved an update to the state’s abstinence-based sex education law that includes warnings against “gateway sexual activity.”

In a new family life instructions bill, holding hands and kissing could be considered gateways to sex.

Abstinence education has not worked real dandy in Tennessee.

According to a 2009 Youth Risk Behavior Study, 61 percent of Memphis City high school students and 27 percent of middle school students have had sex. That’s higher than the national average.

So, obviously, the solution is to teach them to abstain from hand holding and kissing.

I know there are people in Tennessee whose job it is to go around and shine flashlights in parked cars, hoping to catch teenagers canoodlin’.  So now are they going to send the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club to walk around hitting teenagers with a big stick if they hold hands?

You know what I think?   I think Republicans keep bringing up stuff like this just have an opportunity to talk dirty.

Being an idiot is a gateway to being a Republican.

Thanks to Robert for the heads-up.

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28 Comments to “I Wanna Hold Your Hand (Not Applicable in Tennessee)”


  1. Lorraine in Spring says:

    Juanita, they’re just horny & unlucky – like most Republican men.

    And is it “Being an idiot is a gateway to being a Republican”? Or being a Republican is a gateway to being an idiot?

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  2. It’s the Tennessee Taliban.

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  3. Uncle Dave says:

    The bill prohibits teachers demonstrating “gateway sexual activity.” Has that been a class room practice in the past? Do Tennessee teachers call on volunteers (it is the volunteer state, right?) to come up front and demonstrate french kissing to the students who don’t know what conduct they are being warned against?

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  4. Uncle Dave, I bet they are thinking demonstating with a banana the correct way to use a prophylactic is a “gateway sexual activity.”

    In this society, the bill will work about as well as prohibition did. It will just make the young people more ill-informed but more interested, which equals more sex and pregnancies.

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  5. Sam in Pearland says:

    Note how states like TN and TX where sex is considered dirty and abstinence-based sex-ed is the only form permitted have the highest teen birth rates. This unholy crap they’re peddling doesn’t work but it keeps getting them elected.

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  6. I have a sister-in-law in Tennessee. She recently proclaimed, much to the derision of my spouse and her other sisters, that her beloved 22 year old daughter was a virgin when she recently wed an older divorcee with two adolescent sons. I honestly believe Tennessee must provide blinders for the parents who believe abstinence sex education (what a misnomer) really works.

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  7. It looks like those Tenn. reps have a very poor memory of their youth.
    Next they can ban Milk, the gateway to everything, sex, drugs, you name it.

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  8. And being a Republican legislator is a tertiary symptom of brain death apparently.

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  9. Ah nastalgia…after all remember the family values of the 50′s…no informative sex education, girls usually just told to wait to their married, and boys got most of theirs from misinformed peers and maybe finding their dad’s stash.

    My Mom was at summer camp and 13 when she started her period. She had no idea what was happening because her mother never covered the realities of a woman’s body with her. It just wasn’t a topic one discussed…or only just before the daughter was going to walk down the aisle.

    Let’s embrace such values again…I mean they sort of worked then, right? Of course not in movies about the time like Peggy Sue Got Married and Grease….

    And let’s just ignore that the world is very, very different now. The effort to restrict information in the classroom is assinine when the internet helps make it SOOOOOO abundant. Because I am betting that even if you restrict porn sites, Wikipedia is still available and it can provide some fairly explicit information [see entry on teabagging for instance]. Unfortunately, the internet may provide the how to and what things means, but it does not provide well for encouraging wisdom in reproductive choices like a discussion in a classroom can.

    Heck, even in 1981 my girlfriends were astonished that I had read and researched and visited Planned Parenthood before becoming sexually active. Ignorance means choice in life is lost or reduced and they both had some hard experiences because they did not take active steps of choosing before succumbing to the gateway moments.

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  10. ks sunflower says:

    Juanita, your sparkling (and funny as heck) wit is being met well with equally sparkling wit from your readers. I so enjoy coming here and finding my sense of humor. I sometimes misplace it when listening to the news.

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  11. I just read the bill. Gateway activities are not expressly defined in the bill itself. In fact, I can see some real easy ways to hang teachers in the way this is written. Current text is here: http://www.capitol.tn.gov/Bills/107/Bill/HB3621.pdf

    What I’d like to do, however, is a little rewrite to Section 2 (49-6-1301) line (6). Inside the quotes is actual bill language; what follows the quotes is mine: “’Family life education’ means an abstinence-centered sex education
    program that builds” families or spreads disease through creating ignorance in the children in the public school system.

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  12. Oh, man. Just read that section again. You know those folks who say some commas are optional? The way this is written, it says that it is teaching contraception PREVENTION. “’Family life education’ means an abstinence-centered sex education program that builds a foundation of knowledge and skills relating to character development, human development, decision-making, abstinence, contraception and disease prevention;”

    A comma after the word “contraception” completely changes the meaning of this sentence.

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  13. trixicopper says:

    “Gateway” sexual activities? Abstinence Only isn’t stupid enough on it’s own? I’m going to wind up with a permanent flat spot on my forehead from headdesking at this rate.

    It’s hard to believe so many are still bitter they had to take their cousin to the Prom.

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  14. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    This should come as no surprise to anyone who has been paying attention lately. Tennessee has been having problems ever since its football team stopped being able to beat Alabama on a regular basis. As a result, Tennessee is trying to out-stupid Alabama and Mississippi combined. Earlier this week their Governor signed the new “Monkey Bill” which encourages teachers to present the “scientific strengths and scientific weaknesses” of topics that arouse “debate and disputation” such as “biological evolution, the chemical origins of life, global warming, and human cloning.” Tennessee prides itself on its country music all that comes out of Nashville anymore is over-produced dreck. All the Nashville cats that used to play clean as country water have up and moved to Austin.

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  15. Don’t mind me; I’m just sitting listening to the ballgame (GO NATS!) and slapping my forehead repeatedly at the same time. Does that make me a multi-tasker?

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  16. daChipster says:

    With your parents’ consent, you can marry at 16 in Tennessee. You can consent to canoodle at age 13, so long as your co-canoodler is no more than 4 years older. If one of your parents is a sibling of one of your co-canoodler’s parents…no problem in Tennessee.

    So a set of twin brothers can marry their twin cousins at age 16 after canoodling for the past 3 years together, and their children (who may have already arrived) may legally cousin-canoodle at 13 and marry as well, three years later.

    All this is hunky as well as dory for the good folks of Tennessee, but if any of those cousin-couple-canoodlers have the same naughty bits as each other…LAND o GOSHEN, newborn baby Jesus WEPT!

    Perhaps a little sex-education, in addition to some basic biology – like I don’t know, genetics? – would do these people good.

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  17. Stephanie in Arlington says:

    “Being an idiot is a gateway to being a Republican.”

    That is now my quote of the day. Heck, let’s make it the quote of the millenium!

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  18. Uncle Dave says:

    daC.
    Was it in Tennessee that a father applauded his son for breaking off his engagement to a virgin: If she ain’t goodnuff fer her own kin she aint goodnuff fer our’n!

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  19. You ought be a pro-choicer and live here….it ain’t fun most of the time – we are also about to get the “gunz at work”, “gunz in barz”, gunz, gunz, gunz and CREATIONISM vs. SCIENCE, YIPPEE.

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  20. buskyandme says:

    Old white guys who heard the Beatles were corrupting our youth:

    Yeah you, got that something
    I think you’ll understand
    When I say that something
    I wanna hold your hand
    I wanna hold your hand
    I wanna hold your hand

    And when I touch you I feel happy, inside
    It’s such a feeling
    That my love
    I can’t hide
    I can’t hide
    I can’t hide

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  21. TexasEllen says:

    I guess that eliminates Red Rover, Ring around the Rosie, and the buddy system for field trips.

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  22. cairocat says:

    Oh, Star, you are so right about the pluses of correct information. My mother was a nurse and she made sure we had our biology straight up and early on. I was flabbergasted when I went to college (long before the pill or internet) to discover how many of my dorm mates had no idea how contraception–or even their own bodies–worked. I became “the source” but instead of being experienced I was probably one of the last of my friends to be sexually active. Knowledge is power.

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  23. Aghast Independent says:

    I dunno, folks. Maybe I am getting paranoid and senile in my old age, but it seems to me that every time the money boys get nervous about Wall Street financial regulations or increased taxes they start this drumbeat about abortion, teen sex, gay sex, gay marriage, “social issues.”

    Is this so that the poor rural folks and conservative middle class white men won’t pay attention to the fact that the same money boys are robbing them blind? To the tune of 28.6 Trillion $’s and counting? Seems like the money boys are giving the Evangelical Conservatives the old “Reacharound” and the poor evangelicals don’t even realize who is giving it to them up the wazzoo!!! And picking their pockets at the same time!!

    Genius. Pure genius…..

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  24. I had TWO different friends in college who had intercourse for the first time without knowing they’d had it. They found out from the guy later, one of them days later. (One of these had the same first estrus experience as Star’s mom–she thought she was dying when it started! The whole of her sex ed was to have a package of napkins shoved through the bathroom door and to be told, “Read the box.”)

    Personally, I was in 4th grade when my Mom decided to answer the usual little girl questions with the full talk. The family has never let me live down my first question when she was done, “You and Dad don’t still do that, do you?” Like Cairocat, knowledge is power. I held things to lots of kissing and hand-holding for a long time. So did a lot of my friends. There were more virgins out there than folks in our college thought, but there was a lot more activity out there than the parents knew, even when I was in grade school.

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  25. Marge Wood says:

    Lands a mercy. Now we’re goin’ back to 1940 instead of 1950. Or maybe 1925. I don’t know. Not that they were wrong or bad but kind of well, you know. Abstinence IS good for kids but mine never would let me go on dates with them.

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  26. BarbinDC says:

    Here’s an interesting book:

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Last-Resort-Mississippi-Biography/dp/1604739770/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334280019&sr=1-1

    It was listed among the WaPo’s 50 Best Books (Nonfiction) for 2011. It is a factual antidote to “The Help” and enters into this discussion because the author married the first suitable man so that she could have all the sex she wanted. Turned out, (Spoiler Alert!) he wasn’t exactly good in the sack. Divorce ensued, but I won’t reveal the delicious details of that.

    Suffice it to say, that I believe all those Republicantics want women to remain virgins so that they won’t be able to compare. Think about that.

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  27. abo gato says:

    BarbinDC, that reminds me of one of the reasons men back in the 60′s (and apparently, R men these days) hated the idea of birth control. Them women could go off and hoochy any old guy they wanted and not have to worry about getting pregnant. The girls had some power that was similar to the guys. Can’t have that crap!

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  28. SusanF: I’m no grammarian, but isn’t a comma optional there? It usually is before an “and” in a string of nouns/verbs set off by commas. Wouldn’t one have to make it clear that contraception was to be avoided like STDs? The meaning is ambiguous, and I’ll betcha the woman who typed it up, did it on purpose. Secretary warriors. Booyah.

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