Lights! Camera! Oh Crap!

March 05, 2012 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

There a saying around Texas that most of our good-ole-boys’ last words are, “Here, Bubba, hold my beer and watch this.”

In Montgomery County – just northeast of Houston – where men are men and sheep are scared, the Sheriff’s Department decided they needed a drone.  Yeah, yeah, like the military uses.  Do not ask me why the Montgomery Sheriff’s Department needs a drone.  I suspect that even they don’t know for sure, but justify it because Deputy Buford T. “Hotsy” Cleburne holds the seven zip code area championship for Final Fantasy IX.

So, they got them a $300,000 drone to go with their 4X4 heavily armored Bearcat.  The two of them strongly resemble this:

So, if Islamic terrorists ever try to invade the Sam Houston National Forrest, hell, we’ve got a drone.  How they’re gonna see terrorists through the treetops with a drone beats the hell outta me.  But, face  it, if you had $300,000 of taxpayer money just sitting around mildewing, you’re liable to buy a drone, too.

Now, if you need more information about Montgomery County, here is a living picture of their commissioners court and county judge – the guys who decide how to spend tax money.

A drone is going to be about the only thing those boys can get up.

So, this morning, with much fanfare and beer holding, they test the drone.  Witness say, when they are able to talk through much snorting laughter, that it went pretty much like this:

Vanguard CEO Michael Buscher said his company’s prototype drone was flying about 18-feet off the ground when it lost contact with the controller’s console on the ground.   It’s designed to go into an auto shutdown mode, according to Buscher, but when it was coming down the drone crashed into the SWAT team’s armored vehicle.

I most certainly am not kidding.

The drone crashed smack dab into the Bearcat.  No member of the SWAT team was hurt because they were in the Bearcat.  You know, the one that was hit by the drone.  At least we know the Bearcat works.  But, you probably wouldn’t need it if you didn’t have drones.

Texas, I love yew.

Thanks to Stephen, Carl, and Peter for the heads up.

Share Juanita-isms With Your Friends:
  • email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • MySpace
  • StumbleUpon
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Posterous
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Print

21 Comments to “Lights! Camera! Oh Crap!”


  1. Nance Confer says:

    And these sanctimonious jerks object to spending money on healthcare! Why keep folks healthy when we can piss the money away on our big boy toys!

    1
  2. WTF?! The good God fearing, RW nut jobs in Montgomery Co mst be thrilled.

    2
  3. Oh. My. God. This could not have been written better in Tinseltown…now are you really sure all those guys are in fact alive?

    Rgds,

    Reamus

    3
  4. OK. So here’s the deal. My backyard is kind of a needled nosed triangle thing, think of a Travis County Congressional district, and that pointy part joins two other completely different neighborhoods. I mean, I got to drive over a mile to get to my backdoor neighbor’s front door, and one one of them I got to make two left turns on a major boulevard.

    So, none of the neighborhood cats have any respect for subdivision demarcations, or for deed restrictions, or for my fence, or for lots of the other things that most cats have no respect for, and they use that pointy part of my yard like it’s a super flyway interstate overpass to get between all these different areas of town. And it drives my dog NUTS! Because he can’t catch ‘em. And my cats don’t get along with anyone but us and each other, so they’re annoyed too.

    So here’s the point. Do ya’ think I could get my very own drone? Do you think I could equip it with one of those spray bottles of water and squirt the dang cats to keep ‘em out of my yard? I, personally, think this would be as good a use of the money as county sponsored voyeurism in The Woodlands.

    I’d apply to Icky Perry for one, but he’d probably tell me to get a 50mm luger with laser site, and I talk to those people over the fence sometimes and they might know how to use google maps to find me.

    4
  5. And I won’t wreck it neither. Promise!

    5
  6. Corinne Sabo says:

    NOW what will they do? I thought maybe the drone was to stop an invasion of killer bees.

    6
  7. Koalaholik says:

    Once again, JJ, I have to thank you and your friends for keeping me laughing. You just can’t make this sh*t up!

    7
  8. Somebody is going to get nicknamed “Achmed” on that good ole SWAT team.

    8
  9. Three hundred thousand bucks for a toy chopper “drone” that will crash into a vehicle? Betcha I know plenty of kids who could build one for a lot less. Maybe even in Montgomery County. Betcha they could even put a camera on it so they could be sure it always crashed into armored (or at least looks sorta like armored) vehicles, too. We could save taxpayer money and send those smarty pants to college, just think.

    9
  10. The good news, I suppose, is that the Bearcat seems to be able to withstand a drone assault…very important, just in case Islamic terrorists get their very own drone and launch a terrorist attack on Cut And Shoot…or if the Wyoming Navy tries to take Lake Conroe.

    10
  11. Montag…is that Achmed, the Dead Terrorist?

    11
  12. BarbinDC says:

    Did all those ol’ white boys on the County Commission buy the same damn suit at Sears?

    12
  13. I really needed a good laugh tonight, and this is it! I’m a cat lover, so I really appreciate Jimbo only wanting to scare the trespassers, and not shoot them. (After all, in the cat’s brain he owns the property so he is entitled to be there.) And the Matlock suits comment (Thanks, BarbinDC) totally undid me! I have friends who live on Lake Conroe; I wouldn’t want them to be in danger from the Wyoming Navy.
    Oh this is lovely. And JJ, you once again hit the nail squarely on the head!

    13
  14. Sandy Havens says:

    Oh, man! We’re barely ahead of Mississippi and crazier than Wyoming. What next?

    14
  15. Silly you, Juanita. The drone was meant to only patrol our county borders to make sure no dems got in. And the armored snow cone truck was just that. So, stop it. After all, Wyoming is trying to get an aircraft carrier, and then, where would we be?

    15
  16. June Bug says:

    Another Texas sized “oops!”

    16
  17. This is the funniest/sickest thing I’ve heard of in a while…..gotta send it out the World – amazingly, these Baggers in the Tennessee Leg have not come up with something like this yet – EXCEPT, in all fairness, a Bearcat and a little toy drone would look pretty silly next to all the REAL, fancy, smancy Apaches, BlackHawks, 160th Special Ops vehicles and tanks, and other REAL military equipment which is located about 50 miles north of the capitol in Music City, USA – I am guessing the local politicos here would have a hard time ‘splainin’ cutting more services because the 101st Airborne, Air Assault, United States Army at Ft. Campbell is just “not up to the task”…..btw, the Seals who got Bin Laden trained here and we had the pleasure of the nightly BlackHawk trips over our house – we “wondered” what they were up to as the the helicopters generally do not fly over us at 1:00 am in the middle of the exurbs……roflmfao

    17
  18. Elise Von Holten says:

    When I was a child, the TV signed off with “You can sleep well tonight, your air national guard is awake!”
    If I lived in this town–I don’t think I would ever be able to sleep!

    18
  19. I checked the local paper to see if the crash was reported today, and it wasn’t. So I did a bing search and found a story that said the crash occurred last fall and just came to light.

    So, please do not be critical. The report also said the drone rose 18 feet into the air before it crashed. So it wasn’t all bad news.

    19
  20. Marge Wood says:

    Laughing. We had a toy helicopter that acted kinda like that too–never did find it.

    20
  21. Jimbo: Suggest you hire Audri Clemens (7), Next Generation Innovator, to ‘fix’ your cat problem with a Rube Goldberg Machine: http://youtu.be/0uDDEEHDf1Y

    Full Disclosure: After reading the article about the Drone Machine Attacks SWAT Machine on Gizmodo, I ck’d out Audri’s video.

    21


Leave a Reply