Governor Rick Perry and State Attorney General Greg Abbott have both selected their talent portion of the beauty contest. They are finely tuning their ability to throw away other people’s money. They will both take the stage right after the swimsuit and cowboy boot competition and gleefully burn piles of taxpayers’ money while bowing toward Lynchburg, Virginia, home of the Blessed Virgin Protector of the Insane and TeeVee Evangelism, Jerry Fallwell.
In this case, Rick and Greg are refusing to accept our tax dollars from the federal government of $40 million designated for women’s health care because Planned Parenthood performs many of these services.
Republican lawmakers worked overtime last legislative session to design language that would keep any Planned Parenthood-affiliated clinics from receiving state family planning and women’s health dollars, despite the fact that taxpayer-funded clinics may not perform abortions. They got the backing of Abbott, who said their efforts were legal, and gave the state’s health commissioner the go-ahead to implement the new language.
But not to worry. In their exulted self-images of being averagely almost semi-competent, they have opened Rick and Greg’s Women’s Health Clinic and Cocktail Lounge, offering free breast exams, the occasional vaginal probe, and lots of locker room giggling. They are reasonably sure that’s every woman’s dream health care plan. Rick has even volunteered his stirrups if needed.
We do not know what Greg Abbott did with the money his Momma gave him to go to law school. We know he is well-schooled in hypocrisy torts (more on that some other time when I’m especially hacked at him), but he was absent the day they taught The Supremacy Clause, and he obviously put his hands over his ears at the mention of John Marshall.
For that reason, Verdelia and Thelma are making plans to go to Greg’s house and home-school him in constitutional law. They have all the necessary schoolmarm accessories – a dunce cap, chalk, and Greg’s butt to use as a chalkboard.
I have come to the conclusion that Greg Abbott views the Civil War as a great tragedy in American history only because the wrong side won.
And, yes, that really is his campaign sign. I could not make that up. He used that because his political consultants thought that using the Stars and Bars was a tad over the top. Okay, I did make that part up.
Thanks to Beth for the heads-up.