So Here’s The Plan

October 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

The main problem with Rick Perry saying ignorant things is that it encourages the masses in Texas to do the same.

Mason, Texas, where the town’s motto is “Yeah, well, we never heard of you either,” has a certified license to carry school run by a man named Crockett Keller.  Now I gotta fess up right here that I am gonna start writing the book that’s been jangling around in my head since I now have the main character’s name – Crockett Keller.

Except, my Crockett Keller, unlike the real one, will have a brain.

It seems that the 65 year old Crockett bought himself some advertising for his license to carry school on the radio station in Mason, Texas.  Since Mason, Texas, ain’t a place you can get to accident, I suspect “radio station” means Joe Bob’s Ham Radio and Feed Store.

Here’s what Crockett Keller said:

“If you are a socialist liberal and/or voted for the current campaigner-in-chief, please do not take this class. You have already proven that you cannot make a knowledgeable and prudent decision as required under the law.

“Also, if you are a non-Christian Arab or Muslim, I will not teach you the class. Once again, with no shame, I am Crockett Keller. Thank you and God Bless America.”

Spoke like a true Christian, by gawd.

Now, I imagine there ain’t exactly herds of libruls and Arabs in Mason, Texas, but I could be wrong about that.  No, I’m not wrong; I just said that to be nice.  Mason is off the highway between Llano and Junction.  They voted 73% for John McCain and Sarah Palin.  That’s not like hanging out the welcome sign for diversity, you know.

You can listen to Crockett on the radio right about here.  You might want to listen just to hear him try to pronounce “Muslim.”

Now the State of Texas can’t take away Crockett’s right to teach the licensing class “unless a written complaint, complete with evidence, is filed.”

So what we need is a Librul in an Obama tee-shirt to head directly to Mason, Texas with a film crew.  And a police escort.  And a couple of cattle prods.  And open up a yoga class across the street from Crockett.  With free beer.  And a big screen for football games.  And a Monster Truck Rally field in the back.  And girls, girl, girls.

Crockett is 65 years old.  His heart ain’t that strong.  There are some weapons better than a handgun.

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21 Comments to “So Here’s The Plan”

  1. Love the Monster Truck Rally!

    Also, the democratic party could open up an office across from Crockett’s place of business and staff it with Gay, African American- Arab, pacifist, ACLU members, feminist, PETA supporting, green movement, pro-choice individuals who could woo ole Crockett’s wife and grown children to the other side.

    That would finish him off.

  2. Ol’ Crockett makes Fredericksburg look like San Francisco in comparison…

  3. hmmm, with any luck him and all his friends will have a huge misunderstanding one evening and shoot the hell out of each other

  4. A Yoga place with free beer! Novel concept!
    Three Cheers for the brave souls (27%) Who bucked the trend, now there’s some real heros.

  5. It’s too bad schools in Texas stop at the third grade.

  6. Uh-oh…I might just have to bring back my “Silly Hat of the Month” Contest from Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

    And…how would the Crockster know if you’re a “liberal socialist” or a “non-Christian Arab or Muslim”? Does he give you a pre-registration quiz on these things?

    And…isn’t a Muslim, by definition, non-Christian?

    And…now my head hurts.

  7. He did say that “them muslins is dishonest” or something like that. Its been my experience to avoid like the plague any business that advertises themselves as christian or has one of those little fishey symbols on their sign somewhere. I guess I would except a bible store, but I havn’t had occasion to go to one of those yet.

  8. Question, he claims he made this ad without shame. Now isn’t it a requirement to have some self awareness to feel shame? Ole Crockett seems lacking in that area. So is he saying he doesn’t know what shame means?

  9. Well, good thing he is out there in the middle of nowhere! What a putz!

    What is a Mooslum anyway?

    And great idea, Angela!

  10. I have to give the guy a *bit* of credit. He can at least identify that there are some Christian Arabs. I keep running into people who suspect anyone with brown skin of being Muslim, especially if they have anything other than a feedstore cap on their head. Hasn’t anyone heard of Sikkhism????

  11. Fenway Fran says:

    Good thing he’s way out there in remote land Texas. We slept in the car in a parking lot next to the Junction truck stop late one night when we could drive no further without risking life and limb. All Junction is, is, well, a junction. BTW, the pancakes and coffee at the truck stop were great fuel for getting us to Carlsbad Caverns alive.

  12. Chris Selby says:

    Do you know what you get when you cross a Razorback form Arkansas with Crockett Keller?…….Nothing, certain things a pig won’t have sex with.

  13. bud malone says:

    Kellybee pinpointed the “silly hat”. Seinfeld would ask – “why didn’t he buy the big one”?

  14. Was it Stewart or Colbert who pointed out that the Love-America crowd hates about 75% of the people who live in America?

  15. Juanita,

    Girls in swimsuits doing aerobics would be effective as well…roflmfao, this guy is SO BAD that Bob Beckel and the Idiot 4 showed this on their show yesterday. Beckel just shook his pitiful head and talked about how it would be discriminatory to make a radio ad like that – the rest, the Four, cheered and chomped, as always.

  16. Please tell McDonald that my Sister in Law is from Mason and it is a fact that very few Masonuts pass 2nd grade and go on to get their 3rd grade diploma. Most all that live there is them “Bible tot’n, Jeezus spout’n Chrishuns. Notice they all speak in some unknown tongue.

  17. Corinne Sabo says:

    If you’re going to Mason, don’t forget the bullet-proof vest. I used to work with someone from Mason. Wish she’d gone back fast. Not the brightest bulb in the world or maybe even in Mason.

  18. According to an update I read, the state actually can take away his right to teach the class, since instructors are certified by the Texas Department of Public Safety.

    “Certified instructors are required to comply with all applicable state and federal statutes. Conduct by an instructor that denied service to individuals on the basis of race, ethnicity or religion would place that instructor’s certification by the Department at risk of suspension or revocation. The Department became aware of the statements in question yesterday and has begun an investigation into the matter. The Department will take appropriate administrative action based on the findings from the investigation.”

    The question is, does the Texas Dept. of Safety have any interest in following through?

  19. Mason or Tuna? Sounds like a speech from one of the Tuna plays. When we do the Tuna shows here in Wharton everybody laughs, but they all vote Republican. Totally weird sense of humor down here.

  20. Sam in Kyle says:

    If I remember right he had to back off his discriminatory statements in the ad but pretty sure he’s a bigot through and through.

  21. gabberflasted says:

    Five will getcha ten that his pronunciation is