Archive for February, 2011

He Couldn’t Find His Butt With OnStar, Both Hands, a Map, and a Compass

February 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

No, seriously, he couldn’t.

Don’t ask for more proof. Even Sarah knows that Russia isn’t in America.

You Tube: Just Like God

February 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

I think y’all know just about everything there is to know about Texas Republican State Representative Leo Berman.

He’s so far to then right that he’ll drive around the block rather than take a left turn. He’s older than dirt. He is really, really creepy about undocumented workers, up to and including a bill that “restricts illegal aliens to certain geographic regions.” You know, like to build fences around cattle to keep them from straying. Or maybe we’ll just brand them.

Leo has a new cause. He’s a birther and darn proud of it.

But, it goes beyond that edge of sanity. Leo says that

Though the Obama campaign produced a certificate of live birth from Hawaii and the director of Hawaii’s Department of Health confirmed Obama was born there, Berman, in all his searching, says he’s found little information to reassure him about the president. “The latest rumor I hear, and I don’t know if this is true or not,” Berman said, “is that he’s used about 25 different Social Security numbers.” Asked where he gets his information, Berman cites e-mails and online video clips. “YouTubes are infallible,” he said.

Infallible. Like God.

Juanita’s Heartthrob

February 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

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As most of you know, Paul Krugman is Juanita’s heartthrob.  “They have to hold ice cubes on my forehead when I read his column or else I’d flat melt,” she acknowledges.  “Once I was watching him on teevee and my garter belt flat welded to my thigh.”

“Well, people are gonna think we’re dating because he’s caught whatever it is that I have.  I don’t know what social disease it is that makes you think Rick Perry is dumber than a sack of hammers and lies so much that his wife has to call the dog, but whatever it is, Krugman caught it, too,” she says.  “And what it is, not enough people in Texas have it.”

Krugman wrote about Perry’s “Texas Miracle” being a smoke and mirrors trick except that the mirrors are Texas children and the smoke is them going up in flames.

The really striking thing about all this isn’t the cruelty — at this point you expect that — but the shortsightedness. What’s supposed to happen when today’s neglected children become tomorrow’s work force?

Anyway, the next time some self-proclaimed deficit hawk tells you how much he worries about the debt we’re leaving our children, remember what’s happening in Texas, a state whose slogan right now might as well be “Lose the future.”

“Nice going, boyfriend,” Juanita smiles.

Hit Me, Beat Me, Force Me To See a Sonogram

February 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

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Arizona Republican State Senators have this down to an art.

An Arizona state senator involved in an apparent freeway-shoulder scuffle with his girlfriend was not detained because he has immunity from arrest while the legislature is in session, police said.

Officers in Phoenix who were called to investigate a reported altercation found that both Sen. Scott Bundgaard and his girlfriend, Aubry Ballard, had marks suggesting a physical dispute, police spokesman Sgt. Tommy Thompson said.

So, they were both fighting but she goes to jail and he goes home.

Since he’s a Republican, maybe next time he could force her to get pregnant and see a sonogram.  After all, he is a big ole Super DeLux Brand Christian and knows what is right for women.

Bundgaard said the dispute began on the way home from a charity “Dancing with the Stars” fundraiser, after Ballard accused him of “inappropriately touching” his dance partner.

Yeah, he needs to tell that to the folks at Christ’s Church of the Valley, where he’s a neighborhood leader.

And, yes, of course, he was endorsed by Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Republican men – they’re gonna whack ya one way or the other.

We Got A Thank You Note

February 28, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

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Juanita wants you to see the thank you note we got this morning —

Thank you for posting the link for people to use to donate pizza to the freedom fighters in Madison, WI. I was at the protests yesterday, and took this snapshot of the pizza being handed out, and thought you might want to see your generosity in action. Thank you!

Jon


Hard Hearted Hannah

February 27, 2011 By: Juanita Jean Category: Uncategorized

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Those of you who have been wasting time here for a while know about the Fort Bend County connection to the James O’Keefe / Hannah Giles car wreck at ACORN.

O’Keefe, of course, has gone on to other thuggery and illegal fame.

Terese Raia - granddaughter easily passes for ho

Hannah, who gleefully played the pavement princess (which is the nice way to say ho) in the scam, is the granddaughter of the founder of the Christian Coalition here in Fort Bend and the current State Republican Executive Committeewoman for our county.  Her name is Terese Raia and she makes Betty Bowers look like she has backsliding blisters on her butt.

Raia paraded her granddaughter to every Republican event in the county and even forced Congressman Pete Olson to issue an official proclamation on the floor of the United States House of Representatives announcing what a great ho Hannah Giles can play.

Even Raia’s friends at The Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club thought that prancing your granddaughter around for being so, well, ho-ish, was not proper.  Honestly, I have many young women in my family and not one of them would have the slightest idea how to play a ho.

Hannah and James. No kidding.

After the story broke and Hannah spent more time on FOX News than Greta Van Susteren, she set herself up a legal defense fund.  Here’s a clue for life: if what you’re about to do is going to require a legal defense fund and thigh high leather boots, don’t do it.  It’s probably not a good idea.

So, anyway, push comes to shove and little ho Hannah gets in trouble for violating the law.  The California Department of Justice ruled the video had been intentionally edited to be misleading and that the subject of their scam had, indeed, contacted law enforcement after meeting with Giles and O’Keefe.  Additionally, it’s against the law to tape someone without informing them in California.

The subject of their scam sues Giles and O’Keefe for $75,000.

Now, I want to be honest that $75,000 is pocket change for Hannah’s grandmother.  She has enough money to burn a wet elephant, but is notoriously cheap.  It is said that she’s so tight that when she smiles, her toes curl.  So, it is likely that Hannah is on her own now.

But, even with family money, a legal defense fund, and an obviously lucrative promising future in the ho industry, Giles instead decided to squeeze through a legal loophole and throw O’Keefe under the bus.  Hannah’s lawyers contend it was all O’Keefe who was the guilty party because he carried the camera and recording equipment, not her.

Well, that’s probably because she didn’t have any room to hide it in her scanty garments.  Nonetheless, she knew it was happening.  I suspect.  However, I will grant that she might have thought this was a real deal, and she was auditioning for the ACORN centerfold.  That could happen.

So, I just wanted you guys to know about this.  If you ever get involved in a deal with Hannah Giles, odds are very likely that you’ll end up on the pavement looking up at a transmission.

And her Grandmother will be so proud.