Amusing Republican Men on Social Media

October 24, 2014

Y’all, I am convinced that Republican men wake up every morning intent on entertaining me for the day.  I want them to know that I appreciate it with all my heart.

Let us begin with this doozy from the Bevy of Bozos around Ted Cruz.

 

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Yes, Nick, and since Obamacare there have been absolutely no attacks on the World Trade Center or, come to think of it, space aliens wanting to see your private parts.  I will admit that I am not certain bout the last one because I truly have no idea what goes on in your head.  Or your private parts, thank God.

And then last night I get word of an odd event from people asking, “what the hell?”  Remember when I told you about David Hamilton who is running for the state house in my county?  You know, the self-professed “Christian” who likes to hit women and even fessed-up to doing it?

Well, Mr. Hamilton is one confused lost soul.  Or drunk.  Could be drunk.

 

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Yes, he’s talking about me.

Mr. Hamilton took to the powerful forces of his Facebook page to ask a provocative question about my fake name and my fake skin color.

His question was not only dumb, it was kinda prissy for a grown man.  He’s too scared to use my name.   Oh yeah, tough guy when it comes to shoving and hitting women in front of health clinics.  Not so tough guy on Facebook.

Screen Shot 2014-10-24 at 10.05.46 AMBesides the fact that my full driver-license name is on this not-a-blog (eyes right), and besides the fact that I often post pictures of myself gallivanting around the state of Texas to speak, and besides the fact that I have written about Juanita in the local newspaper starting before Mr. Hamilton was even born, and beside the fact that if you Google a picture of someone named Juanita, you get every race, hair style, and fine looking females known to God above including my personal favorite, Juanita Banana which is a popular Filipino teevee show …  Yeah, yeah, besides that, I’m a real sneaky manipulator who wants people to think that I am something other than a big haired Texas woman.

Thanks for snickers, guys.

Why I’m a Catholic Agnostic

October 24, 2014

By Da Chipster

My agnosticism is well-documented here, but I’m still a homer for the religion I grew up in, and this Pope gives me hope for Catholicism.

Pope Frank just weiged in – indirectly – on Ferguson, and the poor schmuck in my state who got executed for carrying a toy WalMart gun in WalMart, and Georgie Zimmerman and “stand your ground” and every good-guy-with-a-gun meme:

“‘the death penalty, illegally and to a varying extent, is applied all over the planet,’ because ‘extrajudicial executions’ are often disguised as ‘clashes with offenders or presented as the undesired consequences of the reasonable, necessary and proportionate use of force to apply the law.'”

Pope smiles as he leaves general audience in St. Peter's Square at VaticanNot to mention, he took this whack at the so-called “extraordinary rendition” of Kim Jong Bush II and his Reign of Error:

“He also rebuked unspecified governments involved in kidnapping people for ‘illegal transportation to detention centers in which torture is practiced.'”

Finally, he nailed today’s GOP and its TeaBirchers:

“The pope spoke scathingly about the mentality of the typical corrupt person, whom he described as conceited, unable to accept criticism, and prompt to insult and even persecute those who disagree with him.

“‘The corrupt one does not perceive his own corruption. It is a little like what happens with bad breath: someone who has it hardly ever realizes it; other people notice and have to tell him,’ the pope said. ‘Corruption is an evil greater than sin. More than forgiveness, this evil needs to be cured.'”

Holy Halitosis!

Massive Attack of Friday Toons

October 24, 2014

Sargent

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Toles

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Clay Bennett editorial cartoon

 

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Morin

How Gays Causes Terrorism

October 23, 2014

In only lasts a minute.  You can stand anything for a minute.

 

Numero Uno:  Louie knows way too much about Greeks and massages.

Numero Two-o:  Holy mother of god on an olive.  Where did that come from?

 

Helloooooo Girlfriends!

October 23, 2014

Up until yesterday, I was blissfully unaware of who Kimberly Guilfoyle is.

This Kimberly person

This Kimberly person

I know that some of you watch Fox News to see what the other side is doing but not me.  I cannot bring myself to do that.  However, I do appreciate those of you who do so I can feel totally freaked out when somebody on Fox says something that is generally found only in the dark corners of hell or bad graffiti.

Discussing how women mature and become more conservative, which is nowhere on my truth meter because it only goes to -100 degrees, Kimberly suggested what young women can do with themselves come election day.

“The Five” co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle said Tuesday that young women should excuse themselves from voting in the upcoming midterm elections because they don’t share the same “life experience” as older women and should just go back to playing around on Tinder and Match.com.

“It’s the same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea,” Guilfoyle said. “They don’t get it!”

And young men do, of course, because they have a winkie.  The winkie is an amazing thing.  It makes you superior.  Just ask any woman who likes to stand on other women’s heads.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Joni Ernst Wants To Shoot Something. ByGawd, Let That Woman Shoot Something!

October 23, 2014

Joni Ernst, running for the United States Senate in Iowa, is … okay, we’ll say colorful instead of spittle wacky.

52684e01cc222.preview-620She first campaigns on her ability to castrate pigs and now she’s just flat itchy to shoot someone.  Pretty much anyone.  But a government official would be best.

“I have a beautiful little Smith & Wesson, 9 millimeter, and it goes with me virtually everywhere,” Ernst said during a speech at the NRA’s Iowa Firearms Coalition Second Amendment Rally in Searsboro, Iowa, “But I do believe in the right to carry, and I believe in the right to defend myself and my family — whether it’s from an intruder, or whether it’s from the government, should they decide that my rights are no longer important.”

She’s gonna take on the entire United Damn States of America with a 9 millimeter?  Good luck with that Annie Oakley.

I swear to Memphis and back – these people drink Crazy Juice by the gallon.

Thanks to Claudia for the heads up.